青春期，父母和孩子共同经历的一场考验和蜕变 （书摘）

青春期，是父母和孩子共同经历的一场考验和蜕变。

青春期的孩子由于大脑和激素的变化，往往有两个特点：一是负责执行控制中枢的前额叶皮质发育不完全，容易冲动，[不会规划，不计后果]；二是自我意识强烈。

青春期的孩子别扭又敏感，摇摆不定，如花般美丽，又如炸弹般危险，最渴求的就是父母无条件的关爱。

当父母的，对孩子就两个字，一个是爱，一个是熬[忍]；不管孩子可不可爱，越是在他不可爱的时候，越是要坚定不移、不求回报、默默地爱。 

在爱里长大的孩子，就算离谱，也早晚会变得靠谱。

心理治疗师李子勋曾说过，家有青春期孩子，父母要做到 “不求不助、有求必应”。

所以“少说话，多做饭”。我们爱他，不是因为他成绩好，有追求，而是全心全意希望“让他成为他自己”。

我爱你！如果前方有一条我曾经跌得面目全非的路，而你却执意想要去。

我希望我爱你的方式不是拉住你，告诉你不能去。

而是给你准备好最耐穿的鞋、备好雨伞…

告诉你第二个路口地很滑、第五条街道有小偷。

去吧！回来家里有饭。

教育家苏霍姆林斯基曾说过：“任何一种教育现象，孩子越少感受到教育者的意图，他的教育效果越大。”

适当沉默，用心付出，耐心等待，陪伴他平稳度过人生中的重要时期，一起走向更加勇敢、坚定的明天。

Weekends

        这两个周末妹妹都过得好充实，而且成就感满满。

        上个周末周五 Homecoming 游行，周六 Homecoming 舞会，周日奥数课期中考试。一边准备学校的活动，一边准备自己的行头，一边紧张备考，一边策划 playdate。

        小姑娘从前一直以舒服为准则，不在意梳妆打扮，最近才琢磨着该学学化妆。从小缺失了这一课的老妈举双手支持。平生第一次Homecoming，拉着妈妈剪头发买脂粉，拉着爸爸给拍照，头一天忙着布置舞会现场，当天晚上拍完照吃完饭和朋友们连蹦了两个钟头，嗨到尽兴。少女时代，该纵情的时候就是要纵情。

        周日累到爬不起来床，但是还是撑着去上了下午的中文课，晚上回来考了三个小时数学，没想到还得了个85，这可是有史以来最高分啊！妹妹开心坏了！

        这周六是她平生第一场辩论赛，她参加的组别叫 Lincoln-Douglas (LD Debate)，也叫 Value Debate，源于 1858 年 Abraham Lincoln 和 Stephen A. Douglas 之间一场著名的关于奴隶制度的辩论。这个组别的辩论一对一，注重逻辑、伦理、价值观和哲学思辨。这次他们的主题是医疗保险改革。备战辩论赛，小姑娘真花了不少时间，查资料，写提纲，准备正反两方的讲稿，队内模拟辩论，像模像样。比赛时每人对阵四次，两次正方两次反法，随机分组。作为 novice team 成员，妹妹得到两胜两负的成绩，非常不错了，超出预期。哥哥去旁听了半场，反应也不错。就是妹妹自己底气不足，还不愿意让爸爸妈妈去旁听。随她吧，我们在远方支持你！

        令人惊喜的小插曲是，这个云集周围十几个学校的辩论赛让妹妹遇见了很多从前的老朋友，从preschool到中文学校到奥数班，还有初中时的一个好朋友，本来以为升入同一个高中可以结队参战，不曾想她高中去了另外一个学校，现在变成了对手。不管是战友还是对手，能相见依然开心。比赛不重要，social 才是妹妹最开心的！

        紧接着周日是第一次 competitive 游泳比赛。艰苦训练了两个多月，每天两个小时的高运动量，总要检验一下成果。这次游泳比赛不分年龄组，13岁以上都在一起比。以前从未比过 200y，第一次没有经验，但成绩也还可以，起码经历过了不留遗憾。再有一周十月就过去了，从下月开始，妹妹就暂停游泳，专心滑雪队训练了。她很兴奋，我也是，因为她的游泳百宝包就归我了！哈哈！

“If I failed, I'd fail quickly..."

        美国公立学校对学业要求宽松，儿子在上高中之前一直是 A，除了六年级的时候刚升初中稍微花了一点时间适应，其它时候基本不需要查看成绩单。不是在亚裔孩子里流传一个梗吗？

        “A is Average; B is Below average; C is Cannot eat dinner; D is Don't come home; F is Find a new family!" 

        第一次听的时候笑到不行，但是想来这也不算太夸张。儿子女儿初中毕业都拿到总统签名的学业优秀证书，都不当回事儿，理由是他们的朋友人手一张。对啊，他们的朋友大多都是亚裔。

        还有更夸张的，一个学校的 counselor 在一次家长会上让大家估计一下全校得A的学生的百分比，一个印度妈妈张口就来了一个97%，把这个 counselor 吓坏了。难道她把问题听反了，还是她来自另一个星球？明显，她只是来自另一个国家，另一个教育体系。那个 counselor 给出的数据是初中全A学生的比例是 7% 左右，高中是 3% 左右。当然各个学校的学生组成和老师打分的松紧差异很大，结果也会有很大差别。

        儿子的第一个 B 是在九年级的高阶英语课（Advanced English）上得的。刚刚从初中升入高中，英语课碰到了他们学校最严厉的老师，不仅不放水，而且据说非常抠细节。儿子又是一个完美主义比他妈妈我更有甚之的人，两次作文因为写不出自己想要的效果，拖到最后没有交，最后能得 B 已经不错了。那时他问过我一个问题，他的高中成绩单是全 A 更好，还是 一开始有 B，后来提高为 A 好。记得当时我说两个都好，一个体现你的持续优秀，一个体现你的不断进步，申请大学的时候都有的可说。果然，他到九年级下学期，这门课就得了 A，而且对这个亚裔老师钦佩感激不已，说是Mrs. Santa Iglesia 教会了他对文学作品的分析方法，提高了他的文学审美能力。我觉得一个老师能被学生如此认可，所有辛苦都值得了。

        然后十年纪，一直想学理科的儿子继续选学高阶英语，说是英语对任何学科都重要。虽然是不同的老师教，他依然在 deadline 面前挣扎，但自我感觉总归是比前一年有进步，没有漏交太多功课，课上的限时作文也慢慢能写完了，最后不仅得了A，其中一篇作文还得到了老师的特别夸奖。

        信心膨胀之下，11年级儿子毫不犹豫地选了 AP 英文，全然不顾他的几个朋友只选了普通英语；以后学理工科，普通英语足够毕业和申请大学了，可见这个孩子有点走火入魔。11年级四门 AP 加西班牙语，门门重磅，门门作业繁多，再加上课外活动，时间不够用，自控能力欠佳，睡眠不足，自然是不堪重负，恶性循环。最大的压力又是来自英语，一篇评论美国中小学教育系统的文章被不停收集素材发掘深度雕琢字句的儿子拖了N个星期，几个 deadline 都过了，还是交不上去，成绩单上赫然写着 F，对他自己的压力肯定是非常大。

        也许是我的催促和焦虑，也许是同辈朋友的竞争压力，也许是他一直对自己的期望值很高，也许是他从父母的话里行间感受到来自父母的期待，儿子面对挫折和打击开始不知所措，继而躲避、萎靡、失去动力。看着无助的孩子，看着茫然的自己，看着似乎都被逼到死角里的我们两个，从前读过的一篇文章忽然点醒了我 [Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg]。我们教养孩子是为了什么？是为了让他们考试成绩好，运动成绩好，将来上一个好大学，找一个好工作？还是为了让他们“成人”？想想你希望他们 35 岁时候的样子，那个时候拥有的品质和能力，是不是可以让我们从眼前的催促和压力里抽离一些出来，少看中一些眼前的结果，而去帮助他们在这个过程中成长？

        最近重读 Mindset 一书，重温 Growth Mindset 和 Fixed Mindset，让我带着难题再次审视“失败”这个词。失败，听起来是一个多么负面，多么让人避之不及的词，但失败又是多么难得的一个发现自我缺陷，实现自我成长的机会？如果这个失败不是给你的生命画上句号，那每一个失败都是生命历程里一个令人珍惜并值得欣喜的向上的阶梯。我和儿子曾经一起读过 Nike 公司创始人 Phil Knight 写的一本书 Shoe Dog。儿子非常喜欢他在书里的一句话 “If I failed, I'd fail quickly..." 希望这句话在这个时候可以用来鼓励他，也鼓励我。

        “But my hope was that when I failed, if I failed, I'd fail quickly, so I'd have enough time, enough years, to implement all the hard-won lessons."

        最近又偶然发现了一个我很喜欢的心理咨询师黄仕民，看了很多他的讲座和文章。不同于其它的鸡汤，他这一碗带着恰恰适合我的温度，声音亲和相貌朴素观点温柔，先是安抚了我内心的内在小孩，又继而安抚了我作为母亲的焦虑。

         - 人是不会改变的，除非他被允许不改变也是可以的。

         - 你不需要完美，只需要完整。你会受伤，会挫败，会不知所措，但你把每一个不同的部分都归纳到生命之中，欢迎它们，接受它们，你就是一个完整的人。当你允许了自己不完美，也就允许了身边的人完整。

        - 每一个负面行为背后都有一个正面动机。倾听，欢迎。

        所以，当我再回想当初儿子问我的问题，是全 A 好还是出现过 B 好，现在我会有不同的答案。以培养一个健全的 35 岁的人的眼光来看，好像高中的成绩单上有 B 有 C 并不是坏事，如果不放弃，再努力扳回来，那反而比全 A 要更好。其实儿子坚持要选对自己有难度的人文科目是一个令人钦佩的决定，不偏科，兴趣全面，不畏难，勇于挑战，这是一个值得鼓励的品质。当然，有难度就有风险，就一定会磕磕绊绊，但正是这个过程帮助一个人学习怎样摔跤，摔跤之后用什么样的方法爬起来，怎么样忍着疼流着泪往前走；也帮助一个人学习以什么样的姿态去失败，什么时候必须坚持，什么时候选择放弃... 昨天晚上临睡前和他聊天，他说物理老师刚刚给他们一个忠告，要他们立一个恰当的目标，而不要 obsessive；不要认为上 AP Physics C 就一定要拿 A 甚至拿一百分，不会做很正常，因为全国的平均分都不到 50%。这样的提醒对他们一班理科 nerd 来说的确是一个打击，却也是一个很好的提醒。儿子说听了老师的话，他也开始审视自己对待学业的态度，努力肯定要努力，但是不要极端到 OCD。

        我们人生的功课大多是在碰壁之后学到的。我们当然舍不得孩子撞得头破血流，但如果只有撞才能学会，那不如撞得早一点，可能还撞得轻一点，如果跤一定要摔，不如在我们身边摔，多多少少还能给他们一点点帮助。

        作孩子、作父母，我们都在磕磕绊绊里踉跄前行。

酥皮五仁月饼

酥皮：

1个鸡蛋 + 25g 糖粉，手持电动搅拌器打发到颜色变浅发白

+ 30g 油（植物油，椰子油，黄油）+ 10g 蜂蜜，搅拌均匀 

+ 200g almond flour + 3g baking powder + 2g salt, 过筛，搅拌，混合成团

五仁馅：

150g mixed nuts (almond, walnuts, pecan, cashew, peanuts...) + 20g black sesame, 20g white sesame, roast for 10 minutes at 150C

+ 50g chopped dates and/or cranberry raisin

+ 50g brown sugar + 4g salt 混合拌匀

+ 2 tbs peanut butter or almond butter + 2tbs honey + 1tbs oil

+ 50g 熟糯米粉 + 少量水，混合成团

25g 皮 + 25g 馅 for 50g 小月饼模具

180C 烤 8min，表皮刷蛋液，180C 再烤 8min

出炉放凉，室温隔夜回油。

Dogs and Foxtail

        Foxtail 不是狐狸尾巴，而是一种像狗尾巴草一样的野草，每年 4-10 月之间种子飞扬，尖尖硬硬的小种子带着像蒲公英似的伞一样的尾巴，在野外到处飞。别小看这些小种子，却是狗狗健康的大敌。以前不懂 foxtail 的厉害，直到这次 Echo 被扎了。

        五月底的一天，带 Echo 兴高采烈 hiking 回来，只检查了ticks，但是没有掰开脚趾缝里仔细看。第二天发现她总在舔前爪，看了好几次，摸来摸去也没发现伤口或者硬的什么东西，以为她就是有点擦伤，跟以前一样舔一舔过两天就好了。可是不曾想过了两天愈发严重，到第三天早上她瘸了，趴在地上好久不动，继续舔爪子，脚趾缝里也开始发红。到晚上，小爪子肿了起来，越肿越大，连尿尿都是抱出去尿的。

        第二天一大早给 Vet 打电话，约了中午去检查。来回折腾了二三个小时，给 Echo 打了麻药，从脚趾缝里抽出来两根细细小小的 foxtail 草种子。这种草种子虽然小，但是像倒钩一样，只会往里钻不会自己出来，所以要在它全部钻进皮肤之前拔出来。一旦进去了，就只有像这样做小手术了，否则轻则脚肿腿瘸不能走路，重则随着血液钻到内脏里有生命危险。清理之后，打了止疼针，开了止痛药和抗生素，戴了一个大喇叭，给了一张洋洋洒洒 570 大洋的账单，回家了。

        一个月之后，Echo 走路终于恢复正常了，我们按计划带她一起去 backpacking。在野外的时候一切正常，除了稍微瘸了一小下，本来以为就是那一天走累了，可是不成想回到家，那只扎过 foxtail 的脚又开始肿起一个包，然后脓肿破裂... 

        只好又带 Echo 回到了医生那里。这次在伤口没有发现草籽，可能已经随脓流了出去，但是为了保险起见，医生还沿着腿往上多切开了一寸，看看有没有更多的隐患藏在里面。结果没发现什么，Echo 就这样又受了一次苦。

        来来回回两次折腾，一个夏天就这样过去了。这下知道了厉害，不敢轻易让 Echo 往草深的地方乱跑了。以后到野外 hiking 回来更要多检查。

        Echo 和我们的狗生/人生又完整了一次。

Tapas - 橄榄油章鱼小土豆

据说这个原来是西班牙名厨 José Pizarro 自家餐厅的招牌前菜，有人稍加简化，用 Air-fry 立刻成了简单快手又有品有味的 party 菜。

材料（6人份）

小章鱼 （baby octopus）或去头大章鱼爪 2 lb

optional：月桂叶– 1片， 洋葱– 1个，去皮并粗切， 胡萝卜– 1根，粗切

小土豆 – 2 lb

蒜瓣 – 8-10个

橄榄油，欧芹，盐，黑胡椒 

做法

1a. 如果是小章鱼，用沸水烫两遍，静置在沸水里 3-5 分钟

1b. 如果是熟的大章鱼，洗去表面盐分，备用

1c. 如果生的大章鱼，大锅内加入水、蒜瓣、月桂叶、洋葱和胡萝卜，煮开，加入章鱼小火 simmer 45-50 分钟。让章鱼在汤水中冷却，然后捞出切成薄片。

2. 小土豆水煮15-20分钟，水里加适量盐。煮软后捞出压扁。

3. 在一个大碗里放入章鱼、小土豆、用蒜盐、黑胡椒调味，加6-8个拍扁的蒜瓣，适量欧芹碎，加大量橄榄油包裹浸透所有食材并有多余的油在周边流动。Air-fry 380F，10分钟。

4. 取出摆盘，点缀新鲜欧芹上桌。

5. 另取一盘，碗底的橄榄油过滤，带着蒜香海鲜味，再摆上法棍面包，又是一道前菜。

Echo 日记 （6）

         Echo 稍微大了一点之后，就没那么经常给她写日记了。偶然回想起她很多的狗生第一次，其实很温暖，很快乐。不敢想象我一个那么怕狗的人，现在因为有了有了 Echo 而感到那么幸运幸福！和她一起散步，一起跑，一起窝在沙发里看电视，一起在院子里晒太阳，喂她吃东西，甚至给她梳毛都是特别解压的事情。有了她，家里多了活力也多了惬意，多了欢笑也多了平静。

（一） 旅行

        Echo 的第一次 RV 旅行，也是我们家的第一次 RV。本来计划的是 2020 年感恩节，那时 Echo 才三个月大，我们还担心她 potty training 不够好，在陌生的环境惹麻烦，或者不能正常 potty。结果临到出发前是我伤了腰，先掉了链子，取消了行程。推迟到 2021年春假，Echo已经 7 个月大，和我们一路奔波辗转到各个陌生的地方，适应性极强，吃喝拉撒完全没有问题，晚上一起睡在车里也安安静静，相安无事。在那次旅行中，Echo 第一次有机会 unleashed 自由奔跑，戈壁、海滩、花原，我们从紧张惶恐，怕她跑丢，到与她渐渐建立起相互的信任，真的是非常奇妙的感觉。开车的时候，Echo 玩儿累了就安静睡觉，实在无聊了居然自娱自乐地在车里抓飞虫吃，笑死人。

        也是在那次旅行中，第一次发现 Echo 对 Tobi 的感情。我们只是闲聊中无意提到 Tobi ，没想到她对这个名字如此敏感，立刻竖起了耳朵，两眼放光，左顾右盼，跳上椅子对着窗外大叫，又跳下来叫着要出门找 Tobi 玩儿，我们安抚了她好半天才安静下来。为了验证这不是偶然事件，后来又故意测验了几次，屡试不爽，弄到最后我们已经不忍心再这么戏弄她了。Husky Tobi 是 Echo 平生见到的第一个玩伴，从她三四个月起就一起在雪地里嬉戏打闹。Tobi 比她大五个多月，真的是一起长大的青梅竹马，后来又一起 hiking，野营，实在是情深意长。现在一个一岁半，一个两岁了，不管在什么时候在 Echo 面前提起 Tobi 都是一阵狂吠，所以 Tobi 的代号是 Andrew 的狗狗，或者 Echo 的“男朋友”，~~ 哈哈

        Echo 第一次的 backpacking 是在她10个月的时候。小家伙除了过于警惕看到陌生人叫得太多之外，其它表现都可圈可点。行军途中一直自己背着自己的家当，穿上新买的鞋步伐稳健，不像在家的时候那样不知所措不敢动窝；上山使劲儿拽着我秒变雪橇犬，平道和下山 off-leash 跟着 Tobi 哥哥跑得贼欢，但每走一段都会停下来回头张望数数人头，尽一只牧羊犬的职责。到了营地，更是暖心，虽然已经累得蜷成一小团，但小憩几分钟之后又开始一趟又一趟不知疲惫地陪伴每一个去湖边打水钓鱼嬉戏的人，直到所有人都睡下。真是充电5分钟，续航 2 小时啊！玩儿当然是小 puppy 的主业，两只狗狗每天追来打去，上山下水，消耗体力无穷，甚至把脚都磨破了，让人好生心疼。好在他们都恢复得很快，休息一晚就又可以上路了。返程的时候中间有一大段碎石路，我怕扎脚给 Echo 又穿上了鞋，结果下坡跑太快，一会儿就跑丢了鞋，幸亏我眼神不错，跟在她后面又一路捡了回来。

        Backpacking trip 最大的收获就是原先胆小谨慎只敢蹚水的小 Echo 在湖边狂叫了大半天之后，最后抵挡不住 Tobi 的蛊惑，终于扑进水里，于是瞬间学会狗刨，从此就爱上了游泳！这才是狗狗们向往的生活吧，每天在大自然里纵情欢乐，释放天性！

（二） 寄宿生涯

        Echo 第一次去 Dog Daycare 是四个月大的时候。我们去滑雪，把她放在 Petsmart 的 hotel 里，她和别的狗狗疯玩一整天，接回家安静了两天才缓过来。

        第一次在 Hotel 过夜是我们去 backpacking，国家公园不让带狗狗。三天两夜，到我们赶回来接她的时候，嗓子都哑了，不知道是玩得太嗨，还是想家叫的。第二次再去 backpacking，Echo 住 hotel 就好多了，好像已经明白我们过几天就会回来接她，每天好吃好玩儿，何乐不为？第三次比较狠，2021年圣诞节我们飞去 Vail 滑雪，Echo 在 hotel 待了 10 天，不过幸好 9 天都有 Tobi 在一起玩儿，接回家还是开开心心！

        第一次住 Tobi 家是我们 2022 年二月去纽约。全家人陪儿子去参加 International Crescendo 在卡内基音乐厅的钢琴演出，顺便去看看大学，给儿子过个生日。临时决定的行程没订 hotel，就直接送 Tobi 家了。那个周末，两个小家伙朝夕相处，玩儿得不亦乐乎，据说在房间里尿了一泡，还好没拆家！

（三） Frisbee

        除了 Tobi 之外，另一个让 Echo 无法淡定的东西就是飞盘，每次一看见就死盯着不放，什么都不能转移她的注意力，甚至听到 frisbee 这个词就会瞬间窜起来，跑到门边准备开玩。这样也好，带她出门，只要手里拿着一个飞盘，就不用担心她乱跑，旁边不管是有人经过还是有别的狗狗跑过来，她都不会分神，永远全力以赴地专注在飞盘上面，随时等着你甩出去。小的时候，叫她回家无果的时候，飞盘也可以立竿见影地唤她回来。

        Fetch 是边牧的天性。Echo 刚刚到家的时候，我们只是往楼梯上扔玩具，小奶狗还跑不快，但也是颠颠地跑上去，颠颠地捡回来，颇费体力。后来大一点，开始扔球、踢球，滚动范围更大，不确定性更大，她的运动量也更大。可是不久她就学精明了，球扔上楼梯，她经常要观察一下，确定了弹起落下的方向之后再去追，省得做无用功。我们用假动作虚晃，她的反应更快，绝对是出色的守门员，我的动作太慢，导致一大半的球都被她成功拦截。

        自从 Alisha 的爸爸妈妈送了 Echo 第一个飞盘之后，飞盘就是比球更让她兴奋的东西，时不时就扒着门叼着飞盘，要求到院子里玩儿。一开始就是扔到后院山坡上，她捡回来就会得到一个 treat，这样简单的游戏她可以玩很久，乐此不疲。后来有一次发现把球弹起来，她会跳起来准确地咬住，再然后，可以把抛起的球直接咬住，我们想是时候教她空中接飞盘了。一开始是小飞盘，轻轻地扔起来，很近地让她接住，成功了几次之后就越扔越远，终于在 Echo 差不多一岁的时候，她终于可以撒了欢儿地在草地上奔跑，跳起来咬住我们飞出去最远的飞盘，那奔跑跳跃的动作潇洒之至！

（四） Tricks

        对了，还有什么 tricks？大多数的 tricks 都是姐姐教的，从最开始的 sit，settle，shake，high five，妈妈教的 down，crowl，wait，不抢食，还有自己发明的全身拉长的 “香肠” 趴法。姐姐后来的进阶教程还包括 sit pretty，stand up，甚至 weaving through。Spin 还是时好时坏，call back 更是看情况。总之，能听懂的话不少，至于是不是照着做，要思考一下，有什么好处，有什么后果，现在心情怎么样... 聪明的狗狗就是这样，easy to learn，but hard to obey，和人一样，任何性格都是两面的。

        不光如此，Echo 还会玩儿心眼儿呢。她特别想要有人关注，发现只要在院子门边上叫，我们总会第一时间放她出去，因为这是要去 potty 的请求，不会被拒绝。于是我一边做饭一边陪她踢球玩儿的时候，有时候忙着一时顾不上她，她会把球叼到门边，轻轻叫一声，等我过去给她开门，她却立马跑开，留下门边的球。一般情况我都会顺便给她踢一脚，但是发现她这个心眼儿后，我就不再理她，把球依然留在原地。果然试了几次无果后，她也就渐渐放弃了这个花招。

        类似的还有，她发现球不小心滚到沙发下面，听见她趴在地上对着缝隙大叫，我们会想办法帮她够出来。有一段时间，球接二连三地掉进去，我们就怀疑是不是她有意为之，结果有两次我眼睁睁看见她把球叼到沙发边上，洗衣机后面，然后故意把球鼓捣了进去！抓了现行，Echo 没话可说，一声不吭地去 time out 了。这之后，这种故意捣乱的行为也越来越少了，就是不知道接下来还有什么新花招。

（五）Echo 丢了

        一岁半的 Echo 小小年纪就已经丢了两回。第一次是刚刚到家的时候，晚饭后我们在后院里乘凉聊天，爸爸说放开 leash，让她自由地跑跑玩玩。我们不放心，可是在爸爸的一再坚持下，只好放开了她。一开始还在周围转悠，相安无事，渐渐跑远一些，一个松神儿，忽然发现 Echo 已经在山坡顶上了，再一转眼，不见了！这下可急坏了姐姐，赶紧上去查看，发现原来是从一处比较宽的栏杆出溜出去了。姐姐恨不得马上翻栅栏出去，爸爸赶紧拿着手电绕出去找，幸亏小家伙那时候胆小还没跑远，一下子就找到了，总算有惊无险地领回家了。

        第二次就在不久前。爸爸在后院修理树木，进进出出忙里忙外，房门、院子门、车库门都敞着。Echo 玩着玩着，从家里跑到后院，又从后院溜达到前门马路上，可是谁都没注意。我有一阵子没看见 Echo，一开始以为她在院子里玩儿，后来又以为她在姐姐房间里，等意识到她不见了，已经大半个小时过去。这时天已经黑下来，全家人急得立刻扔下手里的东西，出门四面去找。Echo 前一天刚刚洗过澡，连脖圈都没有带，否则上面有她的名字和电话号码。这下糟了，让人捡着都不知道往哪里送。街道上公园里都没有，这才想起来看前门的摄像头监控记录。6:20 她溜达到前门，本来只是在家附近左左右右转悠，结果当一个散步的阿姨路过门前，Echo 先冲着人家叫了一阵，然后发现阿姨很面善，就跟了上去。阿姨左顾右盼了一阵，希望有主人来找，没有等来主人，只好继续往前走，Echo 居然就亦步亦趋地跟着走了，没两步就出了我们的监控镜头。

        看到这儿，我们便寄希望于那个阿姨不会把 Echo 随便放走，很可能先把她带回家，再在邻里群里发认领信息或者报告小区保安。正想着，刚好看见一辆保安的车停在路边，于是赶紧下来问询。保安大叔很热心却不是一个明白人，说没有收到认领信息，但是对报失的程序却两眼一抹黑，需要现查 instruction。那时天已经黑透，距离 Echo 走失已经一个多小时了。哥哥姐姐还在小区的各个角落不安地搜索，爸爸在网上查，我一边焦急地等着保安大叔的指令，一边向四周张望，期许着能意外看见 Echo 的踪影。

        这时，一辆面包车由远及近开过来，慢慢停在了我们面前。我想TA会不会是来报告迷路的狗狗的？念头才刚一闪过就看见车窗里探出一个熟悉的面孔，我们的 Echo 正被一个小男孩儿抱着，坐在里面呢！天呐，真是快要喜极而泣了！原来开车的正是路过我们家门前的阿姨，她说她看见迷路的狗狗知道不能再让她乱跑，但她出来散步一没带treat，二没有leash，Echo 居然乖乖跟她走了老远回家，真是奇迹。然后她就带着儿子开车出来在小区里转，想说不定主人正在找她，果然就遇见了我们。

        Echo 失而复得，我们一边开心一边心有余悸，但小家伙好像完全不明白状况，完全没受到惊吓，好像就是自己找了个友善的朋友，去人家串了一趟门，高高兴兴地回家了。真不知道，要不是这个好心的阿姨，Echo 最终会跑去哪里，还是会自己回家。真的希望她不要再丢了。

Surprise

        Nothing could be compared to the surprise and changes that Echo brought to my life. 

        I like biology and did quite amount of anatomy before going to college. Strangely, I could calmly handle live specimens in labs but was afraid of any animals in wild. A frog or a mouse crossing street would make me scream, a cat or a dog approaching me would make me jump. I hate to be licked -- my brother knew it well and used this as his weapon when he was little -- so owning a pet was absolutely not an option for me. 

        The rest of my family members all love dogs. Dog is part of my husband's American dream but he didn't push it because of my hesitance. My son is a natural dog lover, not only because he was born in a dog year, but also magically has had a special bonding to all kinds of dogs since he was a baby. My daughter was the one who kept on begging for a dog and actually did a great amount of research. Once a while she showed me some cute dog pictures, taught me some dog knowledge, and told me the traits of different breeds. She asked me what's my concern and promised that she would look for a dog breed that cover all of my concerns and meet our family's criteria -- middle-sized, active and healthy, capable to hike, low odor, does not shed, drool or bite too much... 

        Alivia is fond of all the dogs in our friends family, especially those who went out hiking with us, Alisha and Tobi. She had so much patience to take care of the dogs during the trip. She was excited whenever receiving dog pictures or videos from my brother, sister and other friends. From her eyes, I saw not only eagerness of companion, but tenderness and love grown in a young heart. Finally I compromised with only one condition -- don't let the dog get too close to me.  

       Based on her studies, Alivia decided to adopt a border collie, a cute looking, energetic and smart middle-sized dog. Border collie is not a very popular breed so it took several months to finally find one near us. The day to meet her was a big day. Without hesitating, we decided to bring her home as this adorable little one immediately melted our heart. Ironically that day was my birthday. Giving a dog to a person who rejects dogs as her birthday gift, what a surprise! We decided to call her Echo. The name was from a website that suggests dog names, but my daughter said, "maybe this is a sign, maybe this is a start full of hope, maybe this is a secret echo coming from bottom of your heart, eventually maybe you would be the person who loves Echo the most." 

       Echo didn't make Alivia disappointed. A month later, Echo became the only animal ever licked my hands; two months later, I could let her sit on my lap and hug her; three months later we could take a walk together -- yes, only two of us... Pet her, feed her, shower her, comb her, train her, hug her, kiss her, even talk to her... In return, she follows me, listens to me, trusts me, and comforts me. I could almost say I turned to be her favorite person! Her watery and innocent big eyes, her half floppy half erected ears, her lithe and agile movement, her head tilting, tail wagging, belly-up pleasing, her simple but genuine love totally wins my heart. 

        For my whole life, I never thought about owning a dog, not talking about being transformed by a dog. While this surprisingly happened. This little playful spirit opens a different world to me, and gave me a special feeling of joy. She can easily dissolve my frown, lift the corner of my mouth, and ease my mind. She injects joys and vitality in our daily life, she adds so much fun in our outdoor trips, she stirs my parental instinct again and made me completely accept her. For so many time when I look at her, I cannot believe the magic changes she has brought to me and feel so lucky to have her. Pandemic is a human tragedy, which isolated people and may permanently change the world. My world has been changed too, by this surprising and special gift. 

        "To love gives life purpose; to be loved gives life meaning". Now I have one more family member to love and to be loved! Echo is truly an echo from bottom of my heart. 

Pulled-Pork 肉夹馍

新学的 Instant Pot 版 pulled-pork，超高效，一下子炖出满满一锅，接下来可以变着花样吃好几顿。

锅底铺一层德国酸菜 Kraut，码进去7-8 lb pork butt

加调料：salt 1tbs，black pepper 1tbs，garlic powder 1tbs，garlic salt 1tbs，BBQ sauce 2cup, Paprika 3tbs （optional: liquid smoke ⅓ cup, chicken broth or water ½ cup）

充分混合拌匀，炖肉档，高压1h15m

自然冷却散气后，肉从汤汁里捞出，用叉子分成丝状，顾名思义 pulled-pork

加少许汤汁浸泡入味，加喜欢的辣椒酱、花椒油、芹菜丁、甜椒丁、香菜碎，就成了肉夹馍或者卷饼的灵魂。

馍可以自己烙，但是用 English Muffin 或者荷叶夹已经足够好。偶然试着用 baguette 或者 artisan roll 做底也相当好吃。

饼可以自己做春饼，但是用 tortilla 也不错，特别是Costco Tortilla Land uncooked 那一种，和 Sonoma La Tortilla Factory 的，非常劲道。

另外，用炖肉的汤汁和 spaghetti 做一锅酸菜烂糊面，也会让小朋友非常满足！关键的关键是要把煮了半熟的面放到汤汁里继续小火焖一会儿，让面吸足味道，把肉丝青椒丝盖在上面，回味无穷！

   

English Muffin + Kraut + pull pork + cheese 
- 320F bake for 2min, +cilantro 

Spring Messengers

        Magnolia is a type of popular plant in California. On one of the nearby streets in our  neighborhood, almost every house has a magnolia tree in its front yard. In early spring, they are the first blooming trees carrying either white or purple flowers. Every time when I saw them, it would wake up my sensation to spring and bring my mind back to my elementary school years.

        In the early memory of my childhood, the blooming of winter jasmine is the first whisper of spring.  Spring sneaks in in a very quiet way in Shanghai. When most of trees still have bare brunches without any budding sign, the slight poke from those small light yellow flowers can always bring me a warm and intoxicating smile. I thought spring always sends messages in this way till I was back to Beijing.

        In Beijing, the north part of the China, the spring announcement is louder and bolder, like the personality of people living there. Magnolia was one of the first blooming in our campus. Like the size of its flowers, the announcement is confident and proud in a full and clear tone. Before moving to California, I used to think magnolia is a super precious species as I only knew three magnolia trees in my childhood, two middle-sized white magnolia in front of the Main Building in Tsinghua, and a huge and old purple magnolia in Summer Palace. I thought they were specially precious because we visited them almost every year in elementary school during our spring field trips. The field trip was supposed to be exciting, however as it was associated with essay about the trees every time, the beautiful petals and elegant fragrance almost turned to be a nightmare in those years.

        Luckily, this “tradition” stopped when I entered middle school. Life has been going fast since then. After years when magnolia had finally been buried under dusty memories, one day I suddenly started missing those lonely and pure white flowers. I was glad to see them after moving to current neighborhood. I was glad to know it’s not hard to grow in California. I’m glad I could reconnect with it and now I know it is truly precious, in a different way.

Who Sculped in Time?

          Everyone’s time is unique. It is consisted of a string of memories. Within these beads of memory, some are specially shining, some were sculped in a special shape, some changed the track of time.  I don’t think I am old enough to name the most momentous bead in my life, but when I brush through the string of memories, I do have a collection of memorable moments, one of which was the day in my fourth grade year.

        I was quite timid when I was a child. I would hide behind my parents’ or grandparents’ legs and grabbed their clothes tightly when a “stranger” said hi to me. Initiating a greeting to neighbors was a hard task, even answering a simple question from close relatives required certain courage. One of my toddler stories was that one day when we visited Summer Palace, several tourists from UK passed by and thought I was cute; they waved hi to me while I suddenly lay down on the bench, covered my eyes with little palms, and waved back with my feet.

        My timidity did not go anywhere better when I started school. In the first three years, we were little chicks under cover. Since my academic grade was on the top, I was designated as the “class president”, but that empty title didn’t ask me to do anything special. Then it turned to be fourth grade…

        In the first day of fourth grade, we were told that we had entered into the “senior phase” of the elementary school and needed to start taking care of many things that were previously covered by teachers or other adults. Each class was assigned a new team of teachers. My new homeroom teacher, Ms. Wu, was a middle-aged female who seldom smiled. I heard she’s one of the best teachers in our school, in our district, even in our city, but also very very strict. I was not afraid of her, as her class was interesting and the homework was not too hard for me, until that Class Meeting.

        In the past, our weekly Class Meeting was always charged by the homeroom teachers, who would summarize the week, pass along or reiterate principle’s notes, instruct us to wipe the classroom windows, sweep the yard; twice a year, we would have field trips; when there’s spare time, we were given extra homework to do during that period. I never thought “class president” would need to prepare anything for the Class Meetings and was totally freaked out when Mrs. Wu called me out to lead the class that day.

        I don’t remember how I walked to the front of the classroom. The only thing I remembered was standing there with flushed face and blank brain; blood was frozen, time was frozen, each minuet was a torture and as long as a century. Finally, she let me go back to my seat and announced that we needed an election for a truly qualified “class president”. Each candidate should submit a proposal of the class activities for the semester and give a speech in a few days, and the whole class would vote right after that. A few boys raised their hands excitedly to join the campaign, then the teacher turned to me and said, “you could join as well if you want to”.

        Did I want to be the president? I don’t know. But I knew I had no choice but rise from where I fell. For the rest of the few days, I spent all my time brainstorming ideas and revising my proposal. It was my faith that I must wash away my shame. By the due day, I was the only person who submitted a proposal.

        Based on the rule, I was the winner. No matter the teacher liked or not, at least she knew I was serious and not easy to give up.

        For the rest of the semester, I had to follow my own proposal to implement the plan. Talking in front of 40 students was quite frightened no matter how much you prepared. I made so many silly and embarrassing mistakes. However, with such a traumatized start, nothing could be worse. My classmates may laugh at me, but Mrs. Wu never let me down since then. She always stood at the back of the room and looked at me with encouragement, sometimes with a subtle nod or shake, sometimes with a comment or correction, sometimes just a slight smile. One day I suddenly noticed that organizing and leading a class activity was quite manageable. It’s not a nightmare to me anymore.  

        She still criticized me, I still felt nervous whenever going to see her individually. I even hated her a little bit because she gave me hard time, but at the same time I liked her and admired her.  She didn’t only help me overcome the fear for public speech, but also the other fear — writing.

        I loved reading since I was young, but it didn’t turn me into a natural writer. My grandpa encouraged me to write letters to him since I was seven and my mom gave me writing assignments during the school breaks. They told me to write just as I talk, but how could these be same? Writing had always been a big burden to me. Surprisingly since Mrs. Wu took over, writing gradually turned to be my favorite part of the class. It’s a pity that I forgot what exact approaches or tricks she used to inspire us for writing, but several tips have been retained:
          1. Be real, be personal
          2. Rich vocabulary is secondary  
          3. A tiny raindrop could mirror the big world
          4. Just start writing

        Two years later, I won a National Writing prize for youth. Four years later, I joined a Young Writers Program to learn more about literature writing. Ten years later, my articles were published on College Magazines and Internet. Now I dare to use my limited English to write about my life. All these started from my fourth grade.

        Since then I could speak naturally not only in front of my class, but the whole school. I attended debates and speech contests, and even chose teaching as my career.

        The teacher who only taught me one semester and gave me the most shameful experience changed my life. “Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher.”

        Last week my kids were talking about their favorite teachers too. Aidan said it’s her English teacher in 9th grade.
         “You mean the most strict teacher in your high school? Did you get the only B in your whole school years in her class? ”
         “Yep, Yep! It’s not about the grade. I learned the way to appreciate literature much more and the class shaped my world view. She has a high standard and high expectation on us, which is precious in US schools in these days. I got an A from her in the second semester though.”

        Alivia’s favorite teacher is the one she has now in her Social Studies. She kept on talking about him — how he adjusts the curriculum to incorporate real life cases, how he allows students to debate during class on any social topics, how he’s willing to pause the textbook lessons and spend time to answer students’ questions regarding government, policies, and current events. Inspired by him, Alivia attended school district board meetings, listened to the State of the Union Address, decided to join debate team and take AP History in high school, discussed women’s rights with the other classmate, and the two girls even talked about opening a law firm together in the future. It’s still too early to say she found her direction for the future, but I saw the teacher opening a door and planting a seed in his student’s heart.  

        Someone is not only a teacher, but a awakener, a ray of light, a sculptor of life!

Childhood

         One of the challenges that raising children in a foreign country is that it’s hard to share our childhood books or cartoons to our children. Of course, there would still be generation gap under the same culture, however, cultural difference above it definitely made the inheritance even harder.

        When I recall the stories I liked in my childhood, I would think of Zheng Yuanjie, Bingxin, Journey to the West , A Deer with Nine Colors, YiXiu the smart little monk, The Flower Angel, The Little Mole…

        I tried to introduce these stories to my children, however, it’s hard to impress them as these characters are not commonly known among their friends. What they were talking about were Dr. Seuss, Thomas, Five Little Monkeys, Dora, and Nemo; even Simba was a little out before the film was remade in 2019.

        There were a few exceptions, which are Mickey, Donald, Goofy, Tom and Jerry. It seems numerous stories have been developed on these silly characters over years and there would never be an end. I was so happy to watch the old episodes and new ones together with my kids, and burst out laughing in the same way, which brought me back to those precious Sunday evenings when I was young. At that time, there were no VHS, VCR or DVD; one episode a week was all we had. No matter how many years passed, children’s joy is universal.

        I was glad to go through another childhood with my children in a different culture. Together, we discovered children’s books, learned children’s song, played children’s game. These were all new to me. Sometimes they learned in school or from their friends, then I leaned from them. What a fun experience! Some of the books I remembered reading with my son include: The Cat in the Hat, Five Little Monkeys Jumping in the Bed, The One and only Ivan, Wonder, The Giver Quartet, Masterminds, Where the Red Fern Grows…  Gradually they also extracted a little bit of their parents’ memories, such as The Lion King, ET, Sun Wukong, Mulan… I hope multi-culture will eventually bring them a richer life experience, like what I received, instead of any confusion that makes them lost.

We are Siblings

    I was not with my little brother when he was born. My earliest memory about him starts from his round and soft face, red lips, big eyes with long eye lashes. He was about two years old, wearing a bright red jacket that I had worn before and a fuzzy blue Bennie. He was so adorable and no one could confidently tell he’s a boy or a girl. When people asked, he would shock them by answering “I’m a boy” in his super scratchy voice. I don’t know if it was embarrassing to him, but it’s fun to see other people’s reaction after hearing that. He had a very good sense of pitch, tone and beat since he was a child. However, no one believed he would be able to sing a song because of his scratchy voice that accompanied him till his teenager years. Surprisingly and fortunately, his voice turned to be deep and clean after the changing period. He fell in love with singing and is an attractive singer, even a “mic hog”, in karaoke.

    In my childhood memory, my little brother was the most adorable boy in the world. I was willing to give him all of the cute names I knew, including those I learned from cartoons. Cutie pie, sweet dough ball,  Little Mole, Denver the last dinosaur, Yixiu the smart little monk… I liked to rub his face and played our secret games with him under the quilt.

    At the same time, he was also super naughty and sometimes annoying like typical boys. He had tons of energy everyday to plays tricks. Luckily he liked sports too which consumed most of his energy and saved me. His early years were devoted to soccer and often played it till it was completely dark. Later when my mom bought Ping-Pong and badminton sets for us, my brother quickly mastered the skills as well and turned to be a competitive Ping-Pong players in his school. He was selected to join the track and field team when he’s in elementary school. The most impressive thing I remembered when he was about 9 or 10 years old was that one day he came back home to tell me he decided to quit 100/200m but train for 3000m. I was surprised because he liked sprint. But he said too many boys wanted to do sprint as it’s fun; although he’s one of the top runners, it’s hard for him to secure champion every time. He found he had a much higher chance to win in 3000m, the longest distance running in his age group, as much fewer people were willing to devote into such a hard endurance training. That was the first time I admired my brother.

    My younger brother is super dedicated to anything that he is passionate about. He was a varsity basketball player in his high school and college. The extra training hours he put in was tremendous. He fell in love with guitar when he was in high school and spent hours after hours to practice chords, even on toilet seat. He likes movies. After watching the same movie numerous times, he could recite the actor’s lines precisely and taught himself Cantonese through it. He likes video games as many other boys and without doubt he was one of the best players in the games he played. I prayed he would find the same passion on his school work one day so he would be the top student in academic. Unfortunately this never happened.

    I have to say he is a very different person as I am even though we are from the same parents. The way he opens this world is from an aspect that I didn’t understand and could not accept at that time. Only till mid-age, I could see his colorful life more clearly and start appreciating such a different lift style. Of course, it’s also partially because he established his career and I saw him turn to be a responsible husband and father. I regret I gave him too many lessons when he was young because he’s not a typical model student as I was. I regret I didn’t spend time to communicate with him in his way and see a different world from his eyes. I could have learned more from him.

     He probably has different options. Once he told me that he suddenly realized how much influence I was on him when he chatted with his friends. Although both of us denied it for many years, actually what we are alike is much more than what we are apart. After all, we are siblings.

Dear Grandparents

    I was born in a Tiger year. My grandparents said it was a good year. I am their first grandchild and surly caught much attention, especially from my grandpa. Although he tried to treat all of his grandchildren fairly and actually did very well, I always know I am his favorite one. We had similar personalities, interests and values. We spent years together, visited each other, wrote many many letters to each other till he was too old to write. The bond between my grandparents and I is extraordinary. They are my first lighthouse, and forever anchor of life. 

    When I was one and half years old, a deadly earthquake occurred in Tangshan, a city about 100 miles away from Beijing. To escape from the aftershock, my parents sent me to Shanghai to stay with my grandparents temporarily. Well, that was the original plan. Later the temporary stay turned to be much longer, eventually more than four years till I had to go back Beijing for school. From what I heard, part of the reasons was I refused to go to daycare, which was what I had to do in Beijing since both my parents were working, and the other reason was my grandpa could not bear to let me leave him. 

   Grandpa had not been retired at that time. Most time of the week, my cousin and I stayed with Grandma. My grandma is a very gentle and elegant lady, never spoke loudly. She was raised in a well family, with maids and a big house. Unfortunately everything changed after wars. She had to learn to take care of all the chores and raise children by herself. My cousin is several months younger than me. Grandma was our first teacher, teaching us reading, writing, calligraphy, math, Tang poetry, as she did to my father, uncle and aunt. She must be an excellent teacher, as my father, uncle and aunt all went to top schools and have admiring calligraphy. My grandma loves Tang Song poetry and Yue opera. For many years after I returned to Beijing, I always recite one poem or ci for her at the end of my letter. Those poems soften my heart and connect her to me every time when I read them. 

    Sunday was absolutely the highlight of each week. Living in a busy and crowded city like Shanghai, kids had rare opportunities to play outdoors. In sunny Sundays, Grandpa would bring us to parks to meet his brothers and friends. Sometimes we got a treat, sometimes a book; I read every street name and shop sign along the way, but my favorite part was to climb in the playground. Other people said I was "too bold to be a girl", but Grandpa told me girls had no difference to boys; girls could be able to do everything boys could, like Mulan. He never said something like "dream big, fly high", but I knew he would support all my adventurous decisions and encourage me all the way along, because he was also an adventurer. In the year when he was 15, he traveled to Qiantang River by himself to shoot pictures of the famous high tide. And in the year when I was 15, he experienced some adventurous moments together with me and witnessed my growth. 

    When I was 15, my whole family was in America except me, so my grandpa came to Beijing to live with me for a year. That was my last year before high school. School work was heavy and I was sometimes stressed out, hiking at weekend is something soothed me. Simply packed with bottle water and some bread, my 73-year-old grandpa and I were heading to places we both liked. We stopped at creeks to refill water, bought watermelons for lunch, explored unpaved trails to avoid the crowd and seek other creatures. We didn't have GPS, maps, or even trail signs back then, but never got lost in mountains until one day. I could not tell if Grandpa was panic because he's always calm in my mind, but I knew I was not because I had him by my side. It was such a long day that we encountered many up and downs, critical turning decisions, even discussed overnight hike. Luckily, around 9 o'clock in the evening, after another hill, we saw the village and bus stops from halfway of the mountain. Although there was still over an hour to finish, we were so happy to find our way...

    Grandpa and I always have something to chat, from history and culture to science and philosophy. I used to lie down on the floor by his bed and chat with him till falling in sleep. Grandpa started learning English when he retired. He read newspaper and novels in English, listened to radio stations in English, taught me grammar and vocabulary, and even started writing letters in English with me. I have a box in my drawer keeping all of his letters to me from my elementary school to graduate school. My last letter to him was placed by his head at his funeral. I believe he has carried it with him in heaven. Nowadays although I don't physically write letters to him anymore, I often wrote one in my mind and received his messages back. 

    I will forever remember the old time when my grandma was preparing my favorite dishes, I was the only one being allowed to sit besides my grandpa when he had a small glass of wine before dinner, and took a lick of the wine from the tip of his chopsticks. I can smell the delicious dinner, which is the smell of yearning. 

Chinese New Year

        Believe or not, I didn’t like festivals when I was a child. Wired, right? Chinese New Year was the favorite festival for almost all kids, including my younger brother. Delicious food, new clothes, TV shows, game time, no homework, no disciplines… My brother’s favorite was definitely firecrackers, which he could play day and night for weeks.

        But I would rather find a quiet corner to hide during holidays. Visiting relatives was a big burden to me. The only comforting place was one of my cousins’ house because she is as “antisocial” as me. When we met, after the basic curtesy to greet each elder, we quickly locked ourselves in a room to talk about the books we read, the pictures she painted, and the music we appreciated. She even likes Laosheng in Beijing Opera and Kun Opera. Time went fast in our small world.

        I didn’t feel at ease to be antisocial and actually made efforts to be more cheered up in Chinese New Year’s celebration. I helped my mom clean house, wash bedsheets, cook festival meals; I played firework with my brother and skated on icy lake with my friends; I did enjoy the time to make dumplings and watch TV with all the family members, but all of these were not truly satisfying celebration in my mind. I remember in one of the New Year’s Eve, I felt I should do something for myself, something to celebrate the festival in my way. Luckily, a flower shop was still open in the late afternoon of that New Year’s Eve, so I brought back a bunch of red carnations to decorate the house. Carnation is not typical New Year flower that florists would recommend, but I like them as it is meant to signify love, fascination, healing, and strength, and has a long flowering period. That’s probably the most memorable Chinese Year’s Eve in my teenager years.

        Chinese New Year turned to be more meaningful only after I went to Canada. Just like home, it is something that is more clearly defined only when a distance exists between us. I had some cool and memorable celebrations during the years I was studying abroad along. I started skiing and waved to New Years on the top of snow mountains. I biked to downtown to see festival lights in a -40F night; my eye lashes turned to be mini icicles. I hugged with my best friend to welcome the new millennium; my tears welled up at the moment when the glorious fireworks illuminated the sky above us in the Inner Harbor. I traveled many places to chase dreams, but nothing could replace the gathering with Chinese friends at Chinese New Year to create an extended family in a foreign land. When Chinese food is not a default any more, we learned to cook one after another traditional Chinese dishes to create a taste of home.

        Finally family was settled when kids were born. Home suddenly has a new layer of meaning. Suddenly you are not the one who has to follow all the family traditions reluctantly, but the one who creates traditions for the family. You don’t have the option to treat the New Year’s day just as another exciting day, but are counted to open the window for your kids to understand Chinese culture and history. Many things I didn’t care before turned to be happy obligations. We dress up together with Tangzhuang Qipao, hang red lanterns, post red “Fu”, cook New Year dishes with special names and blessing meanings. Over the years, my daughter learned to make dumplings, sweet rice bowl (八宝饭), sweet dumplings (汤圆), even 酒酿。They learned to speak and read Chinese, laugh at Chinese comedy shows, and be able to appreciate Chinese cultures. I can see one day they will carry over the celebration and carry on this memorable festival in their life.

Name, The Beginning of One's Life

    When does life begin as a human being? Begins at fertilization with the embryo's conception? At zygote implants in the uterus? At neuromaturation, heartbeat formation... or at the birth of a newborn? There are many arguments and behind these arguments are scientific, medical, and mortal discussions. I am not going to write an essay on ethics, but just have a thought about the beginning of another type of life, a human being's social life. I think it begins at the time when he/she is given a name.

    The beginning of my life story started with my name.

    How did my parents pick up my name? I never heard the story about the naming process, but I'm sure, as all the parents, they spent much time to find a good name with a special meaning that carried their love and all the best wishes to me. And, like many parents in China, they also asked for suggestions from elders in the family. I knew that I had a name when I was born, and by the time to file paperwork, it was changed to the current version which was given by my grandpa.

    I like both versions. They are not typical feminine names but bring up a bigger view to life and the world. The first name "Di" means "inspiration", and the pronunciation of the last and first name together, "Wu Di" implies "no enemy" "no opponent" or "undefeatable". The latter one "Wei" means "luxuriant” “azure” or “celestial”, and the pronunciation of the last and first name together, "Wu Wei", implies "brave" or "fearless". For a long time, I thought these two names are carrying very similar moral messages --- a person without an enemy is surely fearless, and a person's courage is derived from his/her undefeatable mind. However, I had a different understanding when I was in my 30s.

    One night about 10 years ago, I met my dear grandpa in a dream, who helped me to see the fundamental difference. No enemy or opponent is a hard conclusion to make as it involves endless comparison. However, fearlessness is an universal attitude towards all challenges, which is something we can control. Fearlessness has nothing to do with success or failure, but only about a brave heart. 10 years ago, I was so delighted to have this finding and wrote it down in Chinese. No matter if it matched Grandpa's original thought, I believe it was a calling he sent to me at that time. My dear grandpa was the first lighthouse in my life and the forever anchor in my heart...

PS. My first name "Di" turns out to be used in my kids' Chinese names. This is also a legacy.

2022, A New Start

This is not the way I expected to start 2022. No… not at all…

We just spent 10 fabulous days, a white and shining Christmas in Vail and Denver. Every day was full of joy and adventure brought by nature and human creation. It was another “dream come true”. After almost two years of lock down, we finally decided to take a flight. With all the thoughtful planning and cautious movement, we kept in good shapes all the way until the last day when Aidan started a sore throat, and that was the beginning of the two-week episode…

I didn’t expect I had to curled up in bed and fell into lethargy on the first day of the new year; I didn’t expect we had to repeatedly run to the COVID tests in two weeks trying to convince ourselves we were truly infected or negative; I didn’t expect four of us had to be isolated in four bedrooms using Facetime to get together at dinner time, and wait till the 12th day to finally hug and kiss each other; I didn’t expect we may bring potential risk to the friends around us… This is not an exciting way to celebrate the new year.

An unexpected and sudden drop from an overjoyed peak is what I have been always afraid of and tried to avoid it in many ways. However, the reality is, no matter how much has been prepared, sometimes, something just happen, inevitably, and you have to face it and deal with it.

The other half the reality we can choose to see is… it is grateful that, after only 36 hours of slumber, my body shaker off all the soreness and woke up as fresh; it is grateful that, although developed certain symptoms one after the other, all four of us have been recovered quickly and back to school/work as normal; it is grateful that what hit our us was omicron, a so called “non-GMO, green and natural vaccine booster”, and with this unplanned booster, we don’t encounter that much of anxieties many other school families are experiencing when the case number is rocketing up in campus right now…

Life is going on. The New Year’s Day could be a day after New Year’s Eve, but could also be a new start we set up for ourselves. I am grateful that, through this unexpected and sudden drop, I am learning to face the surprise instead of being panic about it, communicate to dissolve the awkwardness but not escape from it.

All the surprises, pleasant or frightened, could be the gift from heaven…

Right, one more surprise… which is this STORYWORTH, from my dear sister BFF. She’s afraid it might bring me too much burden. I won’t think so. It may be a pressure, will be a commitment, and is definitely a challenge… but I am glad someone throw it to me and I’m going to take it as my new year resolution!

2022, my Tiger year, this is a good way to start it!!

PS. my daffodil, also a gift from my dear sister BFF, starts blooming!

Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal Bread

 Ingredients (Makes 12 servings):

• 1/4 cup butter or coconut oil, softened
• 3/4 cup brown sugar
• 1 cup applesauce
• 2 tsp ground cinnamon
• 2 packets instant apple cinnamon oatmeal
• 2 eggs
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

Directions:

• Cream together butter and sugar until light and fluffy
• Add applesauce, cinnamon and one pack of instant oatmeal
• Stir in the eggs one at a time, beating well with each addition
• Mix in the baking soda and flour
• Pour batter into lightly greased and floured loaf pan (9"x5")
• Sprinkled with the second package of instant oatmeal, or insert apple slices and a pinch of sugar
• Bake in preheated 350F oven for 60 min; cover the pan in the last 15 min if needed. 

我家的 2021

每一天很长，每一年很短，一生还没有过完，到终点是不是会觉得稍纵即逝？ 

脑子越来越不记事儿了，多亏有微信，用来当日记；可也是因为有微信，连 blog 都写得少了，更不要说日记。短平快的年代，作者和读者的耐心都越来越缺乏，我们该给岁月留下些什么？

读过的书：

《Before the Coffee Gets Cold》

        孩子们推荐的书，原文日文翻译成英文的小说。虽然中间的节奏不是很紧凑，很像日本文学的风格，但每一个部分的结尾都有打动人心的地方。据说也有影视版本。

《The Code Breaker》

        现在读书听书速度大不如从前，续借了两次，才把这本书完成。Walter Isaacson 是王牌的传记作家，写完爱因斯坦、乔布斯、达芬奇等人之后敏锐地把目光转向Jennifer Doudna，在她获诺奖之前就开始了深度的探访，从她的朋友同事学生甚至对手那里多角度入手，尽量还原出一段段或平凡或曲折或艰辛或传奇的研究探索历程。

        整书的重点当然是讲Doudna 和她的合作伙伴Charpentier研发CRISPR的过程，两个教授加两个博士后，身处三个国家，顶着时差高效沟通合作，只用了8个多月的时间就把CRISPR的机理基本搞清，抢先发表了论文。接下来这项技术在人体内应用的开发竞争更加空前，和张峰的恩恩怨怨也从那时开始。科学不可能永远纯粹，落实到应用一定有利益和权力的争斗。后来又有野心家贺建奎、嬉皮风格的biohacker，以及越来越多在科学伦理边缘试探的故事，前前后后还有不少关于James Watson有争议的介入。

        全书的第七部分，Moral Questions，其实是最吸引我的几章，有脑洞大开的期许和兴奋，也有对未来太多可能性的担忧。科学家们努力破解的是上帝藏在自然之书里的密码，但一扇门被打开之后，何去何从，人类最好不要得意忘形到去扮演上帝的角色。

        11月去了趟Berkeley校园，儿子还专门指给我看书里提到的 Doudna 和她的同事进行的一次重要约谈的咖啡店，还有每一个诺奖得主的汽车和自行车车位。 领 tour 的学生说她入学的时候听说有一门课是Doudna教激动不已，结果临时被通知换了教授颇为失望，但最后发现替换的老师是另一位诺奖得主，又是惊喜过望。伟大的科学家就在我们身边，鲜活而真实，令人敬仰但也不可能完美无暇。这本书不光叙述事件，也描写对比了其中大大小小人物的性格，以及他们性格对事业发展的影响，蛮有趣的。

看过的影视：

《山海情》-- 没想到一部乡土电视剧会如此有吸引力，真诚的故事和真诚的表演真的是可以打动人心的。

《Big Fish & Begonia》-- 周深唱的主题曲让这部影片深入人心，但故事却让人不那么舒服。连我看起来都觉得有些莫名，在西方文化里长大的两个孩子更是一头雾水，更不要说共情了。 

《Searching》-- 印度导演，讲的韩裔美国父女的故事。环环相扣，严谨缜密，不愧是高智商的杰作！既表现了亚裔家庭的传统，也刻画了一个内敛坚韧智商超群的工程师父亲形象。

《A Brand New Life》-- 韩国的孤儿电影，忧伤的文艺片

《饮食男女》-- 居然是儿子坚持要看的。教 AP 中文课老师推荐的，体会东方文化。不知道孩子能看懂多少。

《The Bookshop》-- 灰蒙蒙的文艺片

《The Circle》-- 因为有 Tom Hanks 才打开看，但整个片子只有 Tom Hanks 能看得，孩子们都边看边叫演得惨不忍睹。但故事所要表达的理念还是好的，以 Apples 为造型的高科技公司，最终是为人类带来便捷安全和平还是带走自由和自我？

《Florence Foster Jenkins》-- 梅姨的电影不会让人失望。近乎荒诞的故事，也许就是某些人的人生。

《The Terminal》-- Tom Hanks 演幽默也一样到位。

《Scent of a Woman》-- 早就该看的电影，经典确实是经典。

《Nomadland》-- 赵婷在奥斯卡一夜成名，却在中国毁誉参半。电影技巧确实不错，开启一扇窗口看向同一个地球上截然不同的世界。游牧人生，也许是一种选择，也许是因为没有选择。

《The Age of Adaline》

《Sideways》-- 从Pismo Beach 回来被朋友推荐的电影，其实从前看过，但全然不知讲的就是这里的故事。

《The Father》-- 肯定是新的经典

《Julie & Julia》-- 不同年代的女人，都在自我实现的路上努力寻找。今年渐渐喜欢上烹饪，也喜欢这部电影。

《Luca》-- 妹妹期待很久的动画电影，关于梦想，关于友情，Pixar 的片子不会错。

2021 年走过的路

        旅行都取消了，只好在家门口转悠。幸而后院有足够多的 trail 可以给我们走，精彩的窝边草一时半会儿也吃不完。从四月到六月，每周一Hi (hike), 非常治愈！

• Antelope Valley / Red Rock Canyon
• Carizzo Plain National Monument / Soda Lake
• Avila Beach, Pismo Beach, San Luis Obispo Bay, Oceano Dune
• Solvang, Ostrich Land
• Big Sur, Garrapata State Park - Calla Lily Valley
• Monterey Bay / 17-miles
• Fremont Coyote Hills 
• Cronan Ranch - California Poppy
• Brown's Ravine State Park - Folsom Lake Lupine 鲁冰花
• Blackstone Canyon Trail
• Red Lake Peak - Echo 第一次的10K，孩子们第一次负重至一万英尺 
• Yosemite Ten Lake Trail，Grant Mt，俯瞰 Yosemite Grand Canyon
• Point Reyes National Seashore， Lighthouse，Cypress Tunnel
• Ansel Adam Wilderness - Thousand Island Lake 
• Shenandoah Valley Wineries
• Grass Valley / Nevada City
• Venture and Santa Barbara - 里根图书馆，SBMA， Douglas Family Preserve
• Half Moon Bay / Santa Cruz
• UCBerkeley
• 10 days in Colorado - Vail，Keystone，Beaver Creek Ski Resorts, Denver, Gardens of Gods，Meow Wolf...     Sierra 滑雪场被大火烧了，高中滑雪队不得不临时改变计划，转为 Epic Pass，包括了向往已久的 Colorado Vail！于是全家人下决心飞去了Denver！ 

 

2021 年大事记

• 努力磨练滑雪技艺。儿子一季滑了25天。
• 儿子第一年参加的ORHS滑雪队，获得赛区第一
• 儿子15岁的生日趴，小心翼翼地全户外活动，绿色健康
• 女儿正式成为 Teenager 了，和好朋友骑车野餐度过生日
• COVID 疫苗，1+1+booster；孩子们 1+1
• 人生第一次 RV 之旅： Antelope Valley, Red Rock Canyon, Carizzo Plain National Monument, Soda Lake, Avila Beach, Pismo Beach, San Luis Obispo Bay, Oceano Dune, Solvang, Ostrich Land, Calla Lily Valley, Garrapata State Park, Monterey Bay, 17-miles, Fremont Coyote Hills, Cronan Ranch
• 儿子的第一门AP考试，中文AP，5分通过！
• 女儿当选校学生会主席！
• 女儿发起 Recycling 101暑期活动，给 fellowship 的小朋友组织夏令营，还到 EDH Waste Management 总部去参观，得到一致好评，还有感谢信和礼物。
• 儿子 Summer Intern - 
• 三次 backpacking：Yosemite Ten Lake，Point Reyes National Seashore，Thousand Island Lake
• Echo 的第一次 backpacking, 学会游泳啦！
• 重返 TAZ 游泳队，Alivia 稳居全队前三
• 儿子整牙完成
• 河南水灾
• 延期一年多的东京奥运会终于举行，中美争霸，孩子们第一次如此投入地追踪奥运会
• 邻居Frank爷爷去世了， Alivia 做了cookie 送去以表思念
• 加州大火肆虐，开不了窗，出不了门，连店都关了
• Echo 一岁生日！
• Aidan 做MO 数学课 的 TA
• Alivia 入选学校排球队！
• 儿子参加学校的 Marching Band，每周五为橄榄球赛助威，每周六去参加比赛，OR满载而归！
• Shenandoah Valley Wineries　二人世界
• 和女儿一起参加 mini-triathlon 
• Grass Valley / Nevada City 秋叶采风
• 独自开车去 Venture/Santa Barbara 约会，去安抚一颗疲惫忧伤的心
• Half Moon Bay / Santa Cruz　二人世界
• 和儿子女儿一起感恩节长跑　Run to Feed the Hungry 
• 带着儿子女儿和 Echo 去攀岩
• 女儿参加学校的 Running Club, 和朋友们一起参加 Santa Hustle 长跑
• Colorado滑雪之行　－　Vail，Keystone，Beaver Creek Ski Resorts, Denver, Gardens of Gods...
• 全家感染COVID，最终有惊无险，顺利通关