Showing posts with label 心灵点滴. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 心灵点滴. Show all posts

Friday, September 5, 2025

双园记

 "The Bible is the story of two gardens: Eden and Gethsemane. 
In the first, Adam took a fall. In the second, Jesus took a stand. 
In the first, God sought Adam. In the second, Jesus sought God. 
In Eden, Adam hid from God. In Gethsemane, Jesus emerged from the tomb. 
In Eden, Satan led Adam to a tree that led to his death. From Gethsemane, Jesus went to a tree that led to our life." 

- Max Lucado


跟 AI 合作,翻译了一版:

圣经就是关于两个园子的故事:从伊甸园到客西马尼园。

在第一个园内,亚当跌倒堕落;在第二个园内,耶稣站立升起。

在第一个园子里,上帝呼唤寻找亚当;在第二个园子里,耶稣迫切寻求上帝。

伊甸园里,亚当因惧怕而躲藏;在客西马尼园里,耶稣从坟墓中得胜而出。

伊甸园里,撒但引诱亚当走向的是一棵通向死亡的树;而从客西马尼园走出,耶稣引领我们的是一条奔向生命的路。”


 —— 马斯·卢卡多


Tuesday, October 1, 2024

路开始的地方 -- 写在清华登山队社庆三十周年

    曾经听过不少名人讲起过他们如何蒙在鼓里 “被报名” 参加了考试比赛试镜,最后出乎意料甚至误打误撞地改变了人生。我以为这种故事只发生在明星传记里,却不曾想同样的桥段也会在自己身上上演。三十年前的我,怎么可能想到,一个小小的际遇会对后来的道路有这么大影响?几十年后,当我和先生携手站在惠特尼峰的山巅,当我和十几岁的儿子女儿重装徒步、背着几十磅的野营大包并肩远眺山峦叠嶂、看着他们陶醉的模样,当我们全家人一起完成科罗拉多大峡谷的穿越、兴奋地拥抱在一起的时候,我心里涌起无限的幸福和感恩,我知道这幸福来源于身后走过的每一步、每一条路,我感恩这条路开始的地方叫做 “清华山野”。

    1994年的金秋,慵懒的午后,我们班不苟言笑但霸气十足的班长忽然走到我跟前说,“今天看见一个野外社团在招新,我想你会喜欢,已经给你报了名”,然后不等我再问任何细节,就径直走开了,留我一个人懵在那里 ---- 感叹我们才同窗不久,同学居然已经知道我喜欢野外;佩服班长的行动力,说报名就报名,不惜越俎代庖;惊喜兴奋于清华居然会有这样的社团;迷惑忐忑于完全不知这个 “科考协会” 要做些什么。

    真正让我热血沸腾的是招新大会。格拉丹东及其它雪山的图片录像和攀登经历,师哥师姐们所经历的艰辛磨砺和绝处逢生,形成了强大的磁场把我深深吸引。那荒原那雪山,那寂寥那高远,荡气回肠。从小我就有一点异类,比起来女孩子文静的游戏,我更喜欢跟着健步如飞的爷爷去爬山。从上海城里回到北京,西郊的山水深深地吸引了我,步道没意思,我和爷爷专喜欢挑各种无人的林间小路 “探险“。而作为一个理科生,能把科学考察和野外探险结合在一起,简直太完美了!

    然而,第一次训练就是一大盆凉水,让我差点打了退堂鼓。对于喜欢短跑和球类的我来说,长跑是我无法逾越的噩梦,体育课唯一拿不到满分的就是800米。还记得第一次训练,上来就跑一个校园内的越野路线,也许是因为入冬了那天特别冷,也许是因为我们对路线完全没有预知,也许是速度没有控制好,反正那天我和搭档孔祥明两个跑得生无可恋,感觉一口老血堵在嗓子眼儿就差喷出来,恨不得立马撂挑子不干了。但是念着前几天的热血沸腾,想着一次训练就放弃实在丢人,于是决定至少坚持一周再做决定。两天后,第二次训练,同样的路线,同样的冷风,硬着头皮开跑,最后速度没慢太多,感觉上却像换了一个人,容易了很多。等到第三次跑,虽然嗓子里还满是血腥味儿,但发现自己的极限远多于体育课测验的800米啊!那是我第一次感受到了内心意念对自身潜能的强大影响,也是我入队之后的第一个收获。这样的感知和信念陪伴我走过了以后几十年求学工作生活的每一步。

    从那以后,再没动过退出协会的念头。严寒酷暑,和队友们一起跑圈拉杠,周末去郊外背包拉练,周中在操场跑楼梯,背着砖头字典爬18层居民楼,勾在屋檐下面像一排 “吊死鬼” 一样练指力。去过怀柔攀岩基地爬墙,第一次连第一个点都死活上不去;也去过309攀户外崖壁,用尽浑身解数爬到一半,中间恨不得用牙咬草根帮忙平衡,回程手抽筋到连自行车闸都捏不住,只能靠鞋底刹车。一起骂过队长下手太狠太冷酷,也一起笑过女生的引体向上毫无进步,却让男生的蹲举大大提高。最狠的一次,周日老苗带队去负重爬山,背着砖头沙子外加两个大西瓜。大家咬紧牙关终于登顶又回到山下,刚刚松口气吃口西瓜,老苗一声令下说大家表现都不错,来,我们再上一次…… 当场晕倒啊!这还没完,回程路上得到一个更绝望的消息 ---- 第二天照常训练。第二天,东操跑完楼梯做完常规训练之后,老苗发话,全队出北门,跑个八千的loop回来。八千?为什么今天不跑圈?老苗说因为跑圈随时都有停下来的选择,校外越野,跑出去,就算爬也要爬回来。那一天,我看到有跑吐了的,也有去北门的路上,顺道回宿舍了的,但也有和我一起龟速爬回来的姐妹,还有自己跑完全程,又跑回来接我们,大喊着鼓励我们冲刺的陪跑兄弟。人的韧性就是在这样一次又一次的狂虐中被拉伸延展的。

    1995年初,为了准备夏天攀登雪山,我们被带到北京郊区黑龙潭冬训,一是适应寒冷气候下的野营,二是学习攀冰。29年过去,我依然记得从火车站背着五十斤的大包沿着公路徒步四十里路,老乡认定我们早晚会放弃,赶着马车硬生生陪我们走了快十里地,任他磨破嘴皮也没说动我们上车,只好悻悻而归;依然记得累得半死到了营地,抹黑支帐篷,在帐篷里挤在一起用固体酒精煮方便面,幸福到不行,聊到半夜,最后被男生讲鬼故事吓得半死;依然记得晚上裹着棉衣带着毛帽钻睡袋还是冻得睡不着,第二天早上帐篷内壁上挂满了冰渣,轻轻一拍就哗哗砸在脸上…… 这样简陋的装备,在今天看来恍若隔世,而那单纯的快乐虽记忆犹新却永远回不去了。

    冬训的体验,如此新鲜,越是粗粝,越是激发了我对远山的向往。寒假过后,暑假登山的筹划工作更加紧锣密鼓地开展起来,不光要体能训练和学习各种高原登山知识,还有一个不得不面对的挑战 ---- 拉赞助,这里面的曲折故事是可以另开一篇的。终于,当一切就绪,我也顺利入选雪宝顶的登山队伍时,第二盆更大的冷水浇下来,妈妈坚决不同意我去登山。尽管去黑龙潭冬训的时候她也阻挠过,在我死磨硬泡下勉强默许了,但这一次无论我怎么晓之以理动之以情都不肯再让步。没有家长的签字,我的雪山梦就这么被拦截了。

    暑假逼近的时候,看着队友们纷纷准备出征,我的心情五味杂陈 ---- 既为他们的远征祝福,又为自己不能同行而痛心。就在这个时候,一个计划之外的活动从天而降。华东师大邀请全国另外五所高校,组成丹霞联合科考队,考察广东丹霞地区的地质、地貌、动植物及旅游资源,为成立韶关丹霞红石国家公园做前期准备,协会决定让我和谢良聘代表清华加入。去广东听上去像旅游,妈妈的担忧少了很多,于是我蒙混过关,登上了南下的火车。在广东的十几天是和我们雪山训练完全不同的经历,在遮天蔽日的热带丛林里开路,在布满鹅卵石和蚊虫的河滩上露营,徒手攀爬多年前采药的山民开发的隐秘栈道,从120米高的悬崖上仅凭一条主绳垂直降落,背着满是装备和植物标本的几十斤大包在山林植被里上爬下钻,顶着月光甚至暴雨在黑黢黢的山里赶路…… 现在想想,没有登山靴,仅凭着底薄纹浅的回力鞋走过那些路,最终平安归来,真的是上天的保守和眷顾。正因为那样的经历,让我对山有了更多的亲切感 ---- 敬畏它,了解它,更多地经历它,融入它。

    那个暑假结束,重返校园,无论我们从高原还是丛林归来,目光都更加成熟而坚定,我们知道把这个协会做得更好更长久是我们的愿景,也是我们的使命。老苗、黄江和其他几个老队员已经毕业或临将毕业,我们同年级的王彬汕被推举为会长,我们这些去年懵懵懂懂的生瓜蛋子第二年开始越来越多地接手招新、训练、探路、拉练、筹划、集资等工作。我虽然知道来年去登雪山的希望依然非常渺茫,但依然非常享受和队友们一起自虐被虐的训练,享受我们一起点灯熬夜整理装备商讨行程的时光,享受为同伴加油祈祷送行欢庆的喜悦。

    1997年为迎接香港回归,黄振宇代表清华参加了香港联合登山队登顶玉珠峰,然后马不停蹄赶往新疆,一个月之内再次和队友们登顶慕士塔格。捷报频传,让我们在后方欢呼雀跃为队友们的平安松了一口气的同时,又有了欢喜的烦恼。得知新华社要报道我们的队伍,当然是大喜过望,但尴尬的是,因为历史原因,那时的清华科考协会还不能用 “清华登山队” 的名号。怎么办?难道又要让协会和校方双方都骑虎难下?我的意见是和校方尽快沟通,而且也许这是一个非常好的机会让学校重新认可接受我们协会和学生登山运动。新闻讲究时效,时间紧迫,我和一位已经毕业了的师兄被推举去和校领导沟通,希望能够在新闻发布之前得到校方的理解和支持。记得那个夏日午后,坐在当时党支部书记贺美英老师的家里,我们报告完喜讯,开始讲解我们的理想和热爱,我们不仅怀揣着代表年轻人勇敢挑战未知攀登高峰的勇气和追求,还有周密的计划、专业的指导和刻苦的训练;我们一方面理解学校如父母对孩子一般的担心和保护欲,一方面又渴望把清华的旗帜插到顶峰,让清华以我们而骄傲。在我眼里,贺老师不仅是一位师长领导,也是和蔼的邻家阿姨。也许是因为她的孩子和我们同龄,一起在校园里长大,也许是我们的诚恳打动了她,也许是她心里那个曾经年轻的声音被我们唤醒,她默许了新闻稿里的 “清华登山队“ 称号,并且告诉我们接下来和团委及体育代表队对接。这是一个让人喜极而泣的开端,虽然后面还有一些波折,但那时我们坚信这个协会一定会走得更远。

    接下来的一年,毕业季之后我开始了远赴他乡的求学之路,再没能和登山队在一起。但每每听到好消息,协会恢复为 “山野” 了,攀岩墙建起来了,攀岩队取得好成绩了,登山队每年都有队伍远征,赞助越来越多,平时也有越来越多的学弟学妹喜欢野外活动,投身于自然了…… 都觉得特别亲切和感动,仿佛自己一直没有远离。

    只身来到北美大陆,读书工作之余,大多的时间都用来旅行,踏过落基山脉的积雪,登过优胜美地的穹顶,听过纽芬兰尽头鸟岛的鸥鸣,走过阿拉斯加的万年冰川,驶过通向北极最苍凉孤独的公路,看过北极圈里午夜的阳光和冬夜里魔幻的极光,终于慢慢放下了对雪山的执念,拥抱更广阔的自然。面对山与自然,我们的姿态永远不是征服,而是忘情的融入;面对未竟的梦想,我们的目标也不仅是缩减清单,更是当下的旅途。

    从一个人的旅途到拉先生入坑,从两个人的野营到我们全家每个暑假的背包徒步(backpacking)成为坚持了六年的家庭传统,走过了加州全部九个国家公园和其中四个Wilderness,两个孩子从三四岁的 hiking whiner 到后来的 nature lover,甚至在高中成为了高山滑雪队的主力。看着三十年前种下的一颗种子渐渐发芽开花,结出新的果实,真的万分感恩。感谢清华山野,给了我大学时光最美好的记忆,给了我和全家都衷爱的运动,也让我们曾经的队友成为一生的朋友,三十年后依然可以每年聚在一起,延续我们共同的热爱。在这个忙碌纷繁的世界里,我们需要勇往直前,也需要返璞归真,走向自然的道路也是走向心灵深处最纯真最美好的道路。三十年前,于清华山野,是路的开始;清华山野,于我,是路开始的地方!

Saturday, February 4, 2023

本命年

立春了!


前些天,小学群里面在争论本命年到什么时候结束,大年三十还是立春?保守点儿算吧,守到立春,怎么也可以松口气了。


真的是年纪大了,居然不自觉地开始相信这种东西,就算不是那么认真,至少是宁信其有的态度。小的时候可不是这样,虽然大人们总说红腰带,但一心想着长大的孩子们从来不会把本命年跟灾祸联系到一起,反而觉得这一年有作主人翁的快感。


一直以来,本命年是我最喜欢的年份,是我人生路上自己假象的重要节点,是我感觉自己瞬间长大的时间。


第一个本命年,我声势浩大地来到这个世界,据说是整个产房里眼睛最大,哭声也最大的一个,而且秃着头,完全不像一个女孩。


第二个本命年,我坚持要一个人坐着绿皮火车去上海,虽然最终爸爸找了一个出差的同事阿姨陪我,但在我脑海里,就是形单影只生活的开始。那一年奶奶做手术,我必须在,在我的认知里,我不是去添乱而是去拯救地球的。


第三个本命年,闷热的夏天一个人办完所有出国留学的手续,陪妈妈做完手术,平生第一次登上飞机,飞往了加拿大。落地的那一刻,兴奋和紧张难以分辨,以为五年之后就会学成回家,没想到从此家乡变成了故乡。


第四个本命年,毕业工作结婚生子之后的我举家搬迁,落户加州。形单影只的自由变成了拖家带口的牵挂,这牵挂是幸福是寄托也是软肋,是舍也是得,是飞翔之后不太情愿的着陆,也是面对生活的真实。


前几个本命年都和远行相关,一天天长大,一天天走远,又一天天安顿下来。直到这个本命年,终于没有继续远行,却忽然发现自己有点老了。眼睛开始花,关节开始僵,背打不开,腰时不常会伤,开始莫名其妙长肉,脸上的皱纹和斑点也开始遮不住了… 虽然每一样都不是太严重,但都足以引起了我的注意。不计年龄的我忽然想起来,今年是本命年了。


是时候了,岁月终究要留下点什么,在皮囊,希望也在内心...


Saturday, February 5, 2022

Dear Grandparents

    I was born in a Tiger year. My grandparents said it was a good year. I am their first grandchild and surly caught much attention, especially from my grandpa. Although he tried to treat all of his grandchildren fairly and actually did very well, I always know I am his favorite one. We had similar personalities, interests and values. We spent years together, visited each other, wrote many many letters to each other till he was too old to write. The bond between my grandparents and I is extraordinary. They are my first lighthouse, and forever anchor of life. 

    When I was one and half years old, a deadly earthquake occurred in Tangshan, a city about 100 miles away from Beijing. To escape from the aftershock, my parents sent me to Shanghai to stay with my grandparents temporarily. Well, that was the original plan. Later the temporary stay turned to be much longer, eventually more than four years till I had to go back Beijing for school. From what I heard, part of the reasons was I refused to go to daycare, which was what I had to do in Beijing since both my parents were working, and the other reason was my grandpa could not bear to let me leave him. 

   Grandpa had not been retired at that time. Most time of the week, my cousin and I stayed with Grandma. My grandma is a very gentle and elegant lady, never spoke loudly. She was raised in a well family, with maids and a big house. Unfortunately everything changed after wars. She had to learn to take care of all the chores and raise children by herself. My cousin is several months younger than me. Grandma was our first teacher, teaching us reading, writing, calligraphy, math, Tang poetry, as she did to my father, uncle and aunt. She must be an excellent teacher, as my father, uncle and aunt all went to top schools and have admiring calligraphy. My grandma loves Tang Song poetry and Yue opera. For many years after I returned to Beijing, I always recite one poem or ci for her at the end of my letter. Those poems soften my heart and connect her to me every time when I read them. 

    Sunday was absolutely the highlight of each week. Living in a busy and crowded city like Shanghai, kids had rare opportunities to play outdoors. In sunny Sundays, Grandpa would bring us to parks to meet his brothers and friends. Sometimes we got a treat, sometimes a book; I read every street name and shop sign along the way, but my favorite part was to climb in the playground. Other people said I was "too bold to be a girl", but Grandpa told me girls had no difference to boys; girls could be able to do everything boys could, like Mulan. He never said something like "dream big, fly high", but I knew he would support all my adventurous decisions and encourage me all the way along, because he was also an adventurer. In the year when he was 15, he traveled to Qiantang River by himself to shoot pictures of the famous high tide. And in the year when I was 15, he experienced some adventurous moments together with me and witnessed my growth. 

    When I was 15, my whole family was in America except me, so my grandpa came to Beijing to live with me for a year. That was my last year before high school. School work was heavy and I was sometimes stressed out, hiking at weekend is something soothed me. Simply packed with bottle water and some bread, my 73-year-old grandpa and I were heading to places we both liked. We stopped at creeks to refill water, bought watermelons for lunch, explored unpaved trails to avoid the crowd and seek other creatures. We didn't have GPS, maps, or even trail signs back then, but never got lost in mountains until one day. I could not tell if Grandpa was panic because he's always calm in my mind, but I knew I was not because I had him by my side. It was such a long day that we encountered many up and downs, critical turning decisions, even discussed overnight hike. Luckily, around 9 o'clock in the evening, after another hill, we saw the village and bus stops from halfway of the mountain. Although there was still over an hour to finish, we were so happy to find our way...

    Grandpa and I always have something to chat, from history and culture to science and philosophy. I used to lie down on the floor by his bed and chat with him till falling in sleep. Grandpa started learning English when he retired. He read newspaper and novels in English, listened to radio stations in English, taught me grammar and vocabulary, and even started writing letters in English with me. I have a box in my drawer keeping all of his letters to me from my elementary school to graduate school. My last letter to him was placed by his head at his funeral. I believe he has carried it with him in heaven. Nowadays although I don't physically write letters to him anymore, I often wrote one in my mind and received his messages back. 

    I will forever remember the old time when my grandma was preparing my favorite dishes, I was the only one being allowed to sit besides my grandpa when he had a small glass of wine before dinner, and took a lick of the wine from the tip of his chopsticks. I can smell the delicious dinner, which is the smell of yearning. 

Monday, January 24, 2022

Name, The Beginning of One's Life

    When does life begin as a human being? Begins at fertilization with the embryo's conception? At zygote implants in the uterus? At neuromaturation, heartbeat formation... or at the birth of a newborn? There are many arguments and behind these arguments are scientific, medical, and mortal discussions. I am not going to write an essay on ethics, but just have a thought about the beginning of another type of life, a human being's social life. I think it begins at the time when he/she is given a name.

    The beginning of my life story started with my name.

    How did my parents pick up my name? I never heard the story about the naming process, but I'm sure, as all the parents, they spent much time to find a good name with a special meaning that carried their love and all the best wishes to me. And, like many parents in China, they also asked for suggestions from elders in the family. I knew that I had a name when I was born, and by the time to file paperwork, it was changed to the current version which was given by my grandpa.

    I like both versions. They are not typical feminine names but bring up a bigger view to life and the world. The first name "Di" means "inspiration", and the pronunciation of the last and first name together, "Wu Di" implies "no enemy" "no opponent" or "undefeatable". The latter one "Wei" means "luxuriant” “azure” or “celestial”, and the pronunciation of the last and first name together, "Wu Wei", implies "brave" or "fearless". For a long time, I thought these two names are carrying very similar moral messages --- a person without an enemy is surely fearless, and a person's courage is derived from his/her undefeatable mind. However, I had a different understanding when I was in my 30s.

    One night about 10 years ago, I met my dear grandpa in a dream, who helped me to see the fundamental difference. No enemy or opponent is a hard conclusion to make as it involves endless comparison. However, fearlessness is an universal attitude towards all challenges, which is something we can control. Fearlessness has nothing to do with success or failure, but only about a brave heart. 10 years ago, I was so delighted to have this finding and wrote it down in Chinese. No matter if it matched Grandpa's original thought, I believe it was a calling he sent to me at that time. My dear grandpa was the first lighthouse in my life and the forever anchor in my heart...

PS. My first name "Di" turns out to be used in my kids' Chinese names. This is also a legacy.

Sunday, January 16, 2022

2022, A New Start

This is not the way I expected to start 2022. No… not at all…

We just spent 10 fabulous days, a white and shining Christmas in Vail and Denver. Every day was full of joy and adventure brought by nature and human creation. It was another “dream come true”. After almost two years of lock down, we finally decided to take a flight. With all the thoughtful planning and cautious movement, we kept in good shapes all the way until the last day when Aidan started a sore throat, and that was the beginning of the two-week episode…

I didn’t expect I had to curled up in bed and fell into lethargy on the first day of the new year; I didn’t expect we had to repeatedly run to the COVID tests in two weeks trying to convince ourselves we were truly infected or negative; I didn’t expect four of us had to be isolated in four bedrooms using Facetime to get together at dinner time, and wait till the 12th day to finally hug and kiss each other; I didn’t expect we may bring potential risk to the friends around us… This is not an exciting way to celebrate the new year.

An unexpected and sudden drop from an overjoyed peak is what I have been always afraid of and tried to avoid it in many ways. However, the reality is, no matter how much has been prepared, sometimes, something just happen, inevitably, and you have to face it and deal with it.

The other half the reality we can choose to see is… it is grateful that, after only 36 hours of slumber, my body shaker off all the soreness and woke up as fresh; it is grateful that, although developed certain symptoms one after the other, all four of us have been recovered quickly and back to school/work as normal; it is grateful that what hit our us was omicron, a so called “non-GMO, green and natural vaccine booster”, and with this unplanned booster, we don’t encounter that much of anxieties many other school families are experiencing when the case number is rocketing up in campus right now…

Life is going on. The New Year’s Day could be a day after New Year’s Eve, but could also be a new start we set up for ourselves. I am grateful that, through this unexpected and sudden drop, I am learning to face the surprise instead of being panic about it, communicate to dissolve the awkwardness but not escape from it.

All the surprises, pleasant or frightened, could be the gift from heaven…

Right, one more surprise… which is this STORYWORTH, from my dear sister BFF. She’s afraid it might bring me too much burden. I won’t think so. It may be a pressure, will be a commitment, and is definitely a challenge… but I am glad someone throw it to me and I’m going to take it as my new year resolution!

2022, my Tiger year, this is a good way to start it!!

PS. my daffodil, also a gift from my dear sister BFF, starts blooming!

Monday, January 11, 2021

我家的 2020

        这一年,心里没着没落地过去了,仿佛很长,又好像很短。因为Covid-19,从三月份就没有再去办公室了,后来也是只有一周一次。没了路上堵车的听书时间,书看得少了,倒是多了跟儿子一起睡前读书的机会。电影看得多了,新的旧的都有,自己一个人或是和家人窝在沙发里看电影,都是幸福。


读过的书:

《The Meaning of Travel: Philosophers Abroad》by Emily Thomas

《The Choice: Embrace the Possible》 by Edith Eger

《Shoe Dog: A Memoir by the Creator of Nike》by Phil Knight

《The Code Book》by Simon Singh - (Aidan)

《葡萄树的秘密》

《Love & Respect》by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

《十分婚姻》by 蒋佩蓉

  蒋勋讲中国文学


看过的影视:

《白夜追凶》

《重生》

《以家人之名》-- 制作精良,演技在线的作品。温暖人心,让人不停地想重看。

《脱口秀大会》

《我们的歌》

《The Upside》- 炒冷饭,新瓶装陈酒,残疾的富人和贫穷的陪护相互救赎的故事。

《Yesterday》- 怀念披头士

《Judy》- 曾经的传奇歌手;奥斯卡最佳女主角

《Parasite》- 奥斯卡最佳影片,韩国电影的骄傲

《A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood》- Tom Hanks 的温暖片子

《The Soloist》- 一个流落成流浪汉的大提琴手的故事,才华横溢但心灵残缺是一个危险的组合,人生初年的爱才是救赎

《Like Sunday like Rain》- 无独有偶,这次的主角是出身豪门、才华横溢但因缺乏母爱而孤僻忧郁的小神童,然而这样心灵残缺的孩子居然可以和家庭女教师相互救赎。这年头,没有口碑的片子真是不要轻易看。

《Manchester by the Sea》- 几年前的奥斯卡影片,感情虽然也隐晦,但合情合理

《无问西东》- 清华园和清华人的故事

《Phantom of the Opera》- 托大疫情的福,在家就可以看到这部仰慕已久的经典音乐剧

《Jane Eyre》 - The Royal National Theatre London 排的简爱舞台剧版本,很有创意,但毕竟舞台太小,表现力有限,四个多钟头看完不容易。

《Treasure Island》 - 又一个 The Royal National Theatre London 的剧目。很小的时候读过的经典故事,情节都记不大清楚了,正好温习一下。

《Onward》- 孩子们推荐的动画片,我也一样可以看得泪流满面

《Belle et Sebastien》- 狗狗的故事,孩子们喜欢

《Little Women》- 经典小说,期待许久的电影,不负所望

《The Bridges of Madison County》- 温习过很多遍的电影,每一次看都有不同的感触

《Lady Bird》- 发生在Sacramento 的故事,几年前的奥斯卡电影,讲青春期的故事,拍得不错,但是R级,还是没给孩子们看

《Current War》- 电力工程师必看电影,老公看得兴奋不已

《Coco》- 被儿子评为最感人的 Pixar 电影之一(另一部是《Up》), 孩子们专门陪我又看了一遍,人间的爱永远催泪,更不用说是穿越生死的爱。

《Little Italy》- 本来是看意大利的风光片,一不小心看了一部甜腻腻的爱情片

《Under the Tuscan Sun》- 无脑爱情片,就权当意大利的风光片看吧

《The Iron Lady》- Meryl Streep 演绎的铁娘子,传神

《The Adventure of Tintin》- 丁丁历险记啊,小人书变成了电影。不知道还能不能找到小人书给孩子们看一看古董

《A Minutes of Silence》- 一个人在家陪狗狗,不小心点了一部文艺片,还是德语的,英文字幕。幸亏老公没看,否则肯定会大叫不知所云

《The Holiday》- 圣诞节的经典片子

《Soul》- 家里两个六岁开始弹琴、四年级开始混乐队的娃期待了至少一年的片子,无论是动画设计、动画效果、还是主题立意、探讨心灵的深度,都让人眼前一亮,心服口服!继《Inside Out》之后,Pete Docter 的又一部好片。

《Sound of Music》- 白看不厌的电影,女儿居然第一次看

《Legends of Fall》- 传奇不愧为传奇,每一次都被打动

 

2020 年走过的路

        旅行都取消了,只好在家门口转悠。幸而后院有足够多的 trail 可以给我们走,精彩的窝边草一时半会儿也吃不完。从四月到六月,每周一Hi (hike), 非常治愈!

  • Folsom Lake Peninsula
  • American River South Fork
  • Browns Bar & Wendell Robie Trail
  • American Canyon
  • El Dorado Trail
  • Cronan Ranch East and West Ridge
  • Salt Creek Loop
  • Steves Trail East
  • Pymarid Peak - 这个是七月份 backpacking 之后去的,不是治愈,而是自虐啊。没有任何预热,上来就爬坡,不变的坡度从头虐到尾。但是完成了“Torture Peak” 也是相当满足,one more box checked!
  • 盛秋的 Hope Valley

        2020 唯一没有取消的行程就是七月的 Tahoe Desolation Wildness 的 backpacking。四天三夜,还带着一只小 puppy,Tobi!现在回头想想,就是在这次旅途中,让我开始动摇,是不是可以答应孩子们养一只狗狗。

        儿子参加了高中滑雪队,于是全家人一起买了 Sierra 的 pass,今年就跟家门口的雪场干上了,苦练技艺,12月一个月份已经去了9次了。有没有教练指点还是很不一样的,儿子的水平突飞猛进啊,连爸爸都跟着学习,练得上瘾了!


 

2020 年大事记

  • 儿子开始记日记,坚持了几个月
  • 女儿也找了一个本子,写了几篇
  • 春天儿子女儿一起排球训练 Aspire Volleyball Club
  • 儿子女儿一起参加 Life Time 游泳队到三月
  • Covid-19 横行,3/16 开始居家隔离。爸爸带着孩子们给朋友和邻居送口罩。还给邻居 Frank 爷爷和 Rose 奶奶送了grocery。
  • 儿子初中毕业,成高中生了。毕业典礼是车游,Aidan 开着车门,一路吹萨克斯,给自己也给朋友们送上毕业进行曲。
  • 奶奶去世了
  • 开始做 Eon English Coach
  • Alivia - Eon Leadership Team, Student Recruiting
  • Alivia - 暑假发起 Art and Craft Club,给 fellowship 的小朋友组织手工夏令营,得到一致好评,还有感谢信和礼品卡一张
  • 亲情中华中文夏令营
  • Varsity Tutor 夏令营
  • MIT HSSP 夏令营
  • 全家第二次 Backpacking,仍然是 Tahoe 的 Desolation Wildness,四天三夜
  • 开始“美术宝”
  • 做了三本微信书 2013-2020
  • 9/28 开始 Hybrid School
  • 后院的小瀑布被老公修好了
  • Echo 成为我们家的新成员
  • Aidan - 参加滑雪队,学习大回转小回转高山速降
  • PROP 16 游行,极有可能通过的法案居然被投票没有通过,也算是一个暂时的胜利
  • 儿子完成了 5000 个俯卧撑
  • 学习人与人的关系 - 这是最难的部分,失败多余成功

        今年家里最大的事件之一就是领养了一只小边牧。女儿一直想要一只小狗,一开始喜欢 beagles,好萌好可爱,后来觉得不好训练,又味道太大,改主意要 border collie。我一直抗拒着,但是看着女儿朝思暮想,而且做了那么多研究,又被朋友鞭策鼓励,爸爸和孩子们也承诺全权负责,最终咬牙点了头。行动派们在一个月里就锁定了目标,在我生日的那一天领回了Echo。希望这是一个好兆头,会像女儿说的那样,也许到最后家里最爱狗狗的人,不是别人而是我

        Echo 一来,就成了全家的中心和宠儿。果然,不出多少时间,我已然成为宠狗狂魔,给她喂饭洗澡、陪遛陪玩儿、按摩梳毛,成天念念叨叨跟她说话,什么怕咬怕舔,什么味道掉毛,全都不是事儿了。是不是太难以想象了?

 

        回想 2020,恍如隔世又历历在目。矛盾吗?2020 本来就是逻辑混乱而魔幻的一年,是想象力的边际不断被突破的一年。

        昨天被留了作业,用一个词形容过去的一年?一个词?有点儿难。写实主义说 “uncertainty”,太多的未知,三天两头要处理的不确定性;体验派说 “闹心”,忽上忽下的那种心如猫挠;往小了说是 “不容易”,往大了说是 “见证历史”;消极一点说 “没有答案”,积极一点说 “挖掘潜能”;悲观一点说充满 “不幸”,乐观一点说不缺 “善爱” 和 “人性” ...  任何事都有两面,即使是被迫宅家,也不是百害无利,起码我们把更多时间还给家庭,审视自己。

        2020,忙着调整,忙着适应,忙着保持正常体温;2021,面对复杂,保持单纯,发掘更多意想不到的可能!


Friday, August 14, 2020

The Choice: Embrace the Possible by Edith Eger


 

“It’s the first time I see that we have a choice: to pay attention to what we’ve lost or to pay attention to what we still have.” - p38

 

“Just remember,” she says, “no one can take away from you what you’ve put in your mind.”

"All your ecstasy in life is going to come from the inside." - p16

 

"We are hungry for approval, attention, affection." - p7

Human's need: approval, affection, attention - page 173

 

"Suffering is universal, victimhood is optional." - p7

"Only I can do what I can do the way I can do it." - page 173

 

"... in what ways does the trauma [negative experience] itself give people an opportunity for positive growth and changes?" - page 174

"You can’t change what happened, you can’t change what you did or what was done to you. But you can choose how you live now. My precious, you can choose to be free."

"We had no control over the most consuming facts of our lives, but we had the power to determine how we experience life after trauma [my past]" - page 175

"A good definition of being a victim is when you keep the focus outside yourself, when you look outside yourself for someone to blame for your present circumstances, or to determine your purpose, fate, or worth." - page 204

“We cannot choose to have a life free of hurt. But we can choose to be free, to escape the past, no matter what befalls us, and to embrace the possible.”

 

“Our marriage has taught me that -- all the times when my anger or frustration at Bela has taken my attention away from my own work and growth, the times when blaming him for my unhappiness was easier than taking responsibility for myself.” -- page 204

 


"I can castigate myself for having made the wrong choice... Or I can accept that the more important choice is not the one I made (then...) but the one I make now. The choice to accept myself as I am: human, imperfect. ... To forgive my flaws and reclaim my innocence. To commit myself to serve others, to do everything in my power to honor my parents, to see to it that they did not die in vain. To do my best, in my limited capacity, so future generations don't experience what I did. To be useful, to be used up, to survive and thrive so I can use every moment to make the world a better place. And to finally, finally stop running from the past. To do everything possible to redeem it, and then let it go. I can make the choice that all of us can make. I can't ever change the past. But there is a life I can save: it is mine. The one I am living right now, this precious moment."  - page 232

 

"... purpose in my suffering... is not only to come to peace with the past but also to merge from y trials with something precious worth sharing: a path to freedom." - page 237

"Our painful experiences aren't a liability --- they are a gift. They give us perspective and meaning, an opportunity to find our unique purpose and our strength." - page 237


读过200多页,终于到了 HEALING 的章节!前面的不重要吗?重要。首先要愿意改变,要意识到人生所拥有的选择,愿意走出黑暗,抛弃枷锁,选择光明的道路。

The Dance of Freedom

Step 1: take responsibility for my feelings

A mantra for managing emotions: (4 actions) notice, accept, check, stay.

1. Notice / acknowledge -  In fact, every emotional shade, like every color, is derived form just a few primary emotions: sad mad, glad scared. (不是喜怒哀乐,而是喜怒哀惧)

2. Accept - the emotion may be triggered by someone else's actions or speech, but feelings are ours.

3. Check - check body response (hot, cold, heart racing, breathing...)

4. Stay - turn into the feeling itself. We could accept the feelings, bear them, stay with them as they are temporary. The feelings will pass or change. We don't have to cover, medicate, suppress, or run from our feelings. 

Then, we could meditate, or let the second self (true self) to come down comforting the feelings.

Life doesn't have to go the way you want it to go. Plus, human's view could be limited. 


Step 2: take responsibility for our role in the dynamic that shapes our relationship

What do you want?   - not what I want others to do. 

Who wants it?  - understand our expectation for ourselves.

What are you doing to do about it?   - take positive action

When? - action now

“To be passive is to let others choose/decide for you. To be aggressive is to choose/decide for others. To passive-aggressive is to choose/decide for others by preventing them from achieving what they are choosing/deciding for themselves.  To be assertive is to choose/decide for yourself. And to trust that there is enough, that you are enough.” - page 242

“What are you going to do about it? I believe in the power of positive thinking — but change and freedom also require positive action. Anything we practice, we become better at.”... “Change is about noticing what’s no longer working and stepping out of the familiar, imprisoning patterns.”- page 243

 

Time does not heal. It's what you do with the time. - page 263



Life is about choices and the decisions we make...

 


Saturday, August 8, 2020

期待如此美好 却差点成为伤害 --- 书摘

这是“诺言社区”一个年轻妻子对自己婚姻关系成长的总结,但我认为她的反思对各种关系都有意义。了解自己是走向心灵解放和健康关系的开始。我们每个人的焦虑,很多时候就是来自于期望与现实的不匹配,也来自于过多对外而不是对内的探求。


“你想要什么?你最怕什么?”

每个人都有心灵的黑洞,也许是不能触碰的痛楚,也许无法言说的恐惧,也许是一提起来就要落泪的过往...

这个黑洞只能靠自己去探索和填补,而不是把灵魂完全交付给他人。若你把自己全然交付给某一个重要他人,那么TA有极大的可能会让你失望。

过度的依赖和交付,是受伤的开始。

避免过度的依赖和交付,首要的就是认识自己:

  • 知道自己是哪一类型的人?
  • 怎样照顾自己、温暖自己?
  • 知道自己的需求是什么?恐惧是什么?
  • 你的特别伤痛、在意的是什么?
  • 知道自己对人对事的反应是怎样的?

真正的成熟意味着,充分了解自身的状况,以及自己的需要和渴望,将应该自己承担的部分自己承担,能自己解决的部分自己解决,将伴侣不能承担的部分慢慢剥离。

当我们把过度的重负从伴侣身上卸下,我们两个就都拥有了更加轻盈的心境,把爱和关怀放在最重要的关系上,相互支持、相互抚慰、相互满足、相互成全。

在 The Choice 那本书里讲到了人类的三大渴求 --- 认可、关注和爱 --- "We are hungry for approval, attention, affection.”  这没有错,但如果我们过于依赖于外在的认可、关注和爱,那很多时候会失望,进而受到伤害。


婚姻关系的重启

▍重新认识 TA

那个对你来说足够重要的人,也许TA已足够好,但你看不到。琐碎的家庭生活与生活的重担,让我们对TA身上的缺点分外敏感,而掩盖了TA所有的光芒。怎么去重新认识TA?写下爱TA的100个理由吧。在厌恶嫌憎TA的时候拿出来读一读,也许会有帮助。连 Gary Chapmen(5 Loving Languages 的作者)都用这样的方法在和太太争吵之后平息自己的情绪  

① 我们的伴侣都是普通人

“他不可能同时成为你的爱人、父亲、兄长、闺蜜与咨询师,他只是与我们一样有着诸多缺点和不足的普通人而已。

我常说自己没有长大,总想找个人支持我、宽容我、懂我,其实你想想,你的伴侣也如此。”

你可以向全世界宣布 “我的伴侣,这个和我一样普通的人,可以有权力拥有这些缺点” 吗?

当我大声吼出这句话,我的内心,真的改变了一点点。

② 天上不会空降白马王子

“如果他不是一个绝世好男人,这绝不完全是他的错误,人性如此,大家都如此庸常。在站稳脚跟,而不是心痛欲绝的时候,女人就可以匀出一点精力来,用“胡萝卜加大棒”来慢慢“调教”自己的男人。”


▍重新认识和梳理你们的关系

① 改变关系,自己先行

主动、拼命、克制住自己的指责欲,除非原则性事物,一概不发声、不管理。

你是要收获脚踏实地的幸福,还是要道德制高点的控诉快感?我们每个人都有自己的缺点,我自己能做到勇敢面对,不逃避,不退缩吗?


② 避免放大痛苦,避免轻易绝望

关系是互相作用和影响的,可能你最在意的点,恰恰是TA最表现不佳的点,于是这苦痛被无限放大了若干倍,也许痛到你不能去承受。

我们都期待着对方为了我们去改变,然而这是一个如此高的期待,一旦这期待落空,我们的感受似乎从空中花园坠入无边黑夜…

很多的时候,不是TA不肯改变,不是TA人品不好或不够爱我们,而是因能力不够而有诸多局限。其实我们每个人都有诸多的局限,包括不自怜自哀,把自己当作被害者的局限,包括不走入绝望的局限。

面对破碎,让自己不仅仅是受伤的人,也成为自我的修复者;面对难题,别着急,别轻易放弃...


幸福很多时候是个悖论。一个健康安然的人,由于TA能自给自足,所以往往能收获平安喜乐;而一个忧心忡忡的人,越是拼命挣扎,越是渴望得到,可是幸福的绳索却越拉越紧,成为伤害。

很多时候,期待如此美好,却因为发错了方向,成为了伤害的源头。

无论任何事,把期望值放到合适的高度,把对外需求转变为向内观察,先了解和爱自己。当放下那些过多的欲求和追索时,绳索便会慢慢松开,未来也有了更多可能。


https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/ok_lsY2kyvYtbylrzA9lBQ

Friday, July 31, 2020

写给奶奶的诗

LOVE
--- for my dearest grandma 
  
by Aidan Chen     7/31/2020


There are few 
things 
that we all 
understand. 
One of those 
is love.
  
Love transcends 
on earth and in heaven. 
Love nourishes 
in our highs and at our lows.
  
Love is universal, 
Love is timeless, 
Love is eternal.

  

                  爱 
     --- 送给亲爱的奶奶

     陈迪然 作      妈妈  译


     爱
         是 世上 唯一 的 语言
              无需 注释 
                  每个人 心意相通 

      爱
          超越 生命
               从 人间
                    到 天堂

      爱                                                       
          滋润 心灵
              从 高山
                   到 低谷

     爱
          穿越 宇宙
              穿越 时空

      爱
          是 永恒


(于 7/31/2020)

Sunday, July 19, 2020

学习笔记

最近一段时间,很感恩能够安静下来读书学习。

学习安歇,学习把照顾自己放在重要的位置上
        蒋佩蓉 智慧父母12商 - “我商” - 空杯子里倒不出水来;找到自我的价值(我是什么样的人,什么让我happy,什么对我是最重要的?)

学习管理情绪,一方面接纳情绪,另一方面探寻情绪产生的根源,在根源上解决问题;

学习把情绪/感觉和问题/事件分离,专注于事件本身,尽量不把情绪带入决策过程,从而消减焦虑的情绪;

学习与青少年的沟通和理解,更好地引导他们;
        破解青春期密码 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRJwQz-YDjQ&t=1517s
          情商育儿,疫情下的亲子关系 https://blog.wenxuecity.com/myblog/74051/202007/15670.html

学习改变思维模式,把挫折失败当作改变的动力,把负面的反馈信息当作学习的契机,从缺点里看到优点,接受事物的两面性;
        蒋佩蓉 智慧父母12商 - “思维商” - 固化思维转化为成长性思维

学习感恩,选择喜乐,跳出受害者被动自怜的坑;
        蒋佩蓉 智慧父母12商 - “智慧商” - 从感恩的眼光开始
        THE CHOICE by Edith Eger  - "suffering is universal, victimhood is optional."


学习化解冲突
        李顺长博士《化解冲突为成长的契机》《创造良性人际关系的动力》


现代人都太忙了,又要上班又要照顾孩子的妈妈更是时间和精力都不够用。忙忙碌碌中,紧急且重要的事情自然排在首位,紧急而不重要的事情也时常跳出来盘据时间,挤压了那些不紧急却重要的操练,忽略了学习、成长、反思、冥想... 我们都急于在最短的时间达到目标,却跳过了最重要的关系的建立;这些关系包括人与人、人与世界、人与神、最终人与自己内心的关系。

神说:“我的恩典够你用的,因为我的能力是在人的软弱上显得完全。” 想来,这是上天给迷失的我、软弱的我的一个礼物!



Saturday, July 18, 2020

读书笔记:化解冲突为成长的契机



冲突的来源:理念、个性、利益、做法

处理冲突的四个方面:
  • 营造双赢的策略
  • 疏解自己的情绪
  • 化解对手的怒气
  • 达成共识的技巧


化解冲突为成长的契机
  • 建设性解决冲突
  • 美化人际关系
  • 建设团队精神,鼓舞士气
  • 创造性地解决难题
  • 创造积极坦诚的沟通环境



l   积极的视角
Ø  每件事情都有两面,优点和缺点其实是同一
Ø  接受whole package: 合作产生效率也产生冲突
中文是讲座中举的例子,英文部分是和儿子一起做的练习。

Negative
Neutral
Positive
差异            
民主                          
不拘小节    
吝啬            
野心太重    
洁癖            
顽固不化    
独断            
胸无大志    
优柔寡断    
死板            
易变            
邋遢            
冷漠            
多话            
无为而治    
长袖善舞,逢迎奉承     
孤僻            
蠢笨傻        










按部就班




不善忧虑

丰富
争议
宽容
节俭
雄心勃勃
爱清洁
执着,有原则
果敢自信有主见
安分守己
考虑周到
有秩序,守纪律
创造性,灵活性
轻松随便自在
保持距离 安全
健谈,善于表达,敞开心扉
顺其自然
懂得欣赏,懂得感激
没有被世界污染
忠厚老实诚恳
Aggressive

ambitious
Arrogant, Boastful, Egoistic
Prideful
Confident,
Boring

Consistent
Bossy

leadership
Careless
layback
relax
Clingy


Combative

Competitive
Conflict
oppose
Discussion, debate
Cruel


Cowardly

Cautious, careful
Dishonest


Greedy

Ambitious
Harsh
Stern, strict
Disciplined
Impatient

Respond quickly, prompt
Impulsive
quick

Indecisive

Thoughtful
Moody

sensitive
Narrow-minded, picky

Specific, focus
rigid

Rule follower
Stingy

Economical, thrifty, saving
Stubborn
Strong-minded
Persistent,


Resilient
Swing, inconsistent

Flexible, creative



Wasteful, lavish

Generous


l   建设性语言,协同效应(Synergy)
把批评的话换成建设性言语

l   充满怜悯,减少偏见,

l   达到目标的五个模式
我赢你输     - 得目标舍关系
投降            - 得关系舍目标
放弃             - 既然达不成目标也不要关系
妥协             - 为了达成目标各让一步
解决             - 双赢且巩固关系

l   外在的行为,外在的温柔,在于内在对情绪的控制,更内在在于看事物的角度和态度,更内在是思想理念和神学。
You have the power to see as God sees
You have the power to love as God loves
You have the power to think as God thinks
You have the power to create (new solution) as God creates


盼望就是冒了失望的危险,
但无论如何
让我们盼望吧!
尝试就是冒了失败的危险,

让我们尝试吧!
成长就是冒了受伤的危险,

让我们成长吧!
恋爱就是冒了失恋的危险,

让我们恋爱吧!
合作就是冒了冲突的危险

让我们合作吧!
温柔就是冒了被藐视的危险,

让我们温柔吧!
饶恕就是冒了被欺负的危险,

让我们饶恕吧!